The 80/20 Rule May Be Just What You Need To Revitalize Your Love Life

Navigating the dating world has become a complicated task. It doesn't matter if you're dating just one person and trying to turn it into a relationship, or trying open casting to exercise the power of deduction, it can feel like a full-time job. Sometimes when people are looking for love, they commit too much of their time and energy to dating and end up losing themselves in the process. But with the 80/20 rule, we can put all that to bed.

The 80/20 rule isn't new. Invented by economist Vilfredo Pareto, the 80/20 rule was initially established for how one should categorize things in business. For one to succeed, 80% of their time should be focused on long-term goals, while 20% should be focused on what stands in the way of those goals and how to tackle them, per SimplyPsychology. In other words, the majority of energy is spent on the positive end of things, as opposed to banging your head against the walls over the things that present a challenge.

In dating, 80/20 looks like investing 20% of your time in the person you're dating, while letting the 80% fall to them. In doing so, you don't lose yourself or drive yourself mad and, at the same time, you'll be able to see if the person in question is worth your investment. Although it may look like you're not trying if you're only giving 20%, the reality is that you're being realistic, protecting your resources, and focusing on what you need. It's a form of self-preservation and something that just might revitalize your love life.

Too many of us are willing to bend over backward when we're dating. We keep ourselves up a night trying to read the meaning of texts we're sent, wondering where we stand with the person we're dating, and trying to come up with the perfect date night. But why should one person shoulder all that? They shouldn't.

"If you continually contact them to set up date nights, they'll let you do all the work... you need to give them the opportunity to invest in you," relationship expert Dr. Lurve told PureWow. "Let the other person make the first move 80% of the time and you initiate the other 20%. This is a good way to mentally give yourself a break — and they won't let you get away if they truly want things to work out."

With 80% of your time not being (potentially) wasted, you can divert your energy to other things in your life that make you feel whole. That way, if it doesn't work out, you won't feel like you lost something in the process. You'll still be complete and your needs and wants will not have been sacrificed.

When looking for love, we sometimes get caught up in seeking out perfection. We want that person who's a certain height, who listens to a specific type of music, who wears what we consider fashionable, and a dozen things in between. But perfection doesn't exist. When we use the 80/20 rule we can see things without rose-colored glasses, meaning we accept that the person we're dating is never going to be everything we might want them to be at all times.

"I believe the 80/20 rule is a very consistent part of reality, and that bringing our expectations into alignment with reality is healthy," psychotherapist Hannah Green told StyleCaster. "We tend to wait for the perfect relationship to avoid dealing with our own issues around intimacy and perfectionism. Once we take responsibility for this, we can start to practice relating to ourselves and our partner."

No matter how you choose to apply the 80/20 rule in your love life, you'll reap the benefits. As long as you embrace it in a way that establishes your boundaries, keeps your expectations realistic, and doesn't cloud what's right for you, you'll preserve yourself and invigorate your dating game.