The TikTok-Viral Netflix Approach Could Be The Key To Better Relationship Communication
Although communication is the most important part of a relationship, it doesn't mean it's easy. Even when we've been with someone for years, sometimes knowing what to say to keep each other engaged can be challenging. So challenging, in fact, that you can find yourself rambling on with a story, only to realize your partner isn't as invested in what you're saying as you thought (or hoped) they would be.
One conversation, in particular, that everyone in a relationship has had that can become monotonous quickly is the oh-so-popular, "How was your day?" It's just a natural and, in some cases, automatic thing to ask when you see your partner at the end of the day. But the problem is that when things, especially conversations, become so involuntary, communication is no longer part of the equation. Instead, it's just two people talking. That's where the TikTok-viral "Netflix approach" comes in to switch things up a bit, bringing real connection back to your conversations.
Author Brian Fretwell took to TikTok to share a story about a woman and her partner who, after enduring years of the habitual "how was your day" chats, had an a-ha moment when flipping through Netflix one night trying to decide what to watch. What the couple realized, according to Fretwell, was that they could use this approach in how they talked about their day. It may sound like too simple of an answer for flailing communication in a relationship, but it's actually genius.
How the Netflix approach works
When you sit down to choose a series or movie, you have to ask each other what you're in the mood for and have a conversation about which universe you'll be leaping into for the next few hours. As Fretwell said in his video about the couple, it was during this Netflix chat that "they decided that when they came home the next day they would tell each other what type of story they wanted to hear first just like they were doing with the TV."
After a while, the couple realized that it became so much easier to talk about their day when, as Netflix does to account holders, they gave each other the option of what they wanted to hear first. Asking each other if they would like to hear a funny story first, or an inspiring one, or a weird one — and so on down the list — confirmed that the other person was engaged with what they were being told. As the woman in Fretwell's story said, "Nobody likes sharing a story to a person who's not interested, but when the other person identifies what they want to hear first, they both share more of their story." Also, both partners feel more fulfilled from the experience.
How it can help with communication
Healthy communication is about being interested in what the other person says and tuning in accordingly. As TikToker Consentences said in his response to Fretwell's video, when your partner is given the opportunity to choose what they want to hear about your day, it shows the intention behind asking, "because they're truly interested in what that thing is." So, in turn, the person telling the story feels more engaged because their partner is legitimately immersed and genuinely curious about what they're being told. This allows both partners to not just connect more deeply but reflect on their day. It's active listening, an extremely important part of communication, at its finest.
"Active listening is about being fully present and reflective in how you listen to the person that you're supporting," empathy educator Kate McCombs told Insider, adding that active listening in intimate relationships is deeply nourishing. "Empathy is accelerated by active listening, and I think that those are two particular interpersonal skills that do a tremendous amount of good in increasing the quality of people's relationships." In other words, all relationships need this level of communication to succeed.
Although there's no guarantee that the "Netflix approach" will solve every relationship's communication problems, it's definitely a start. Wherever there's a time and space for questions and curiosity, there's an opportunity to have an engaging conversation that will ultimately strengthen your communication skills. The stronger those skills, the better your relationship will be for it.