TikTok's Trending 'Birth Order Theory' Could Completely Change The Way You Date

Trying to navigate dating right now is interesting. What we're up against as daters is a far cry from the simpler times of generations before, and it shows. A 2020 Pew Research Center Poll found that 75% of people describe dating in the past year as "very/somewhat difficult," while 47% say that dating has gotten even harder over the last 10 years.

While there are many reasons for this — the negative effects of online dating being a big one — compatibility is still part of the equation. Just as it was 100 years ago, finding someone with whom you mesh personality-wise is essential to creating a good match. If only there was a way to do that before going on a date and wasting your time. Well, thanks to TikTok, there is.

One of the many trending topics on TikTok at the moment is "birth order theory." Even before TikTok was a glimmer in the eye of its creators, psychotherapist Alfred Adler developed a theory that birth order was the reason behind our personalities, and ultimately dictated the adults we'd eventually become. If we hold this theory to be true, then birth order should be taken into consideration when dating. Because let's be honest, there's no way a firstborn child is going to have the patience to date an only child — that's just basic math right there. So before you go on another date, consider having the birth order chat first.

Every sibling in a family plays a role, which befalls you based on birth order. For example, recently we've been hearing about "eldest daughter syndrome" (EDS) and its long-term impact. "'Eldest daughter syndrome' is a term used to describe the emotional weight that eldest daughters often carry in their families," neuropsychologist Sanam Hafeez, PsyD told Parents. "Many eldest daughters find themselves looking after younger siblings, helping with chores, and even taking care of sick family members from a young age." Even as adults, eldest daughters can't always shake this mentality. 

On the flip side, are the last born. "The babies of the family could sell dead rats for a living if necessary," psychologist Kevin Leman, Ph.D. told Women's Health. "They play off whoever is directly above them in the family." In between, there's the sibling who's constantly trying to figure out where they stand in the world. "[Middle children] are squeezed between the crowned prince or princess and the kid who got away with murder — that's a tough place," said Leman.

Then there's the only children. "Only children have different influences, no sibling competition, and are the sole focus of parental investment," professor of psychology Dr. Catherine Salmon told MedPsych. "As a result, parental expectations and pressure can be high, driving them toward traits shared with firstborns." Naturally, when you take these different personalities into account, it's easy to see why birth order can impact the way you date.

Even if birth order theory is new to you, you've probably noticed certain personality traits of yours that clash with other types of personalities. If you're a firstborn, for example, maybe you take charge of situations. Based on that alone, dating another firstborn might not be a fit, because there's likely to be a lot of head-butting. 

On the other hand, middle children tend to easily adapt to different types of people and situations, making them a great fit for a firstborn who needs to be in control. But that's not the only option for someone who's a firstborn. "Firstborns and lastborns are a good match," adolescent and family psychologist Dr. Jennifer Hartstein told PureWow. "The idea of opposites attracting definitely rings true here." Firstborns are inclined to take care of others, and those who are born last yearn to be taken care of. While only children get a bad rap for being selfish, the reality is that not every only child fits that description. Although a firstborn and an only child are likely to be problematic, only children and lastborns balance each other because of what they need from a relationship. 

As much as birth order plays a role in our personalities, it's not the only thing and shouldn't be the defining aspect when dating. It's just one more thing to consider before wasting another Friday night with a fellow firstborn, because yikes.