The Viral TikTok About Foreplay That Will Change How You Think About Sex
We're expanding the conversation around foreplay. Hint: it can last all day long! This new attitude towards the build-up to sex came thanks to singer-songwriter Paloma Faith. The British singer spoke on the Great Company podcast with Jamie Laing and the two discussed sex at its most ideal. Laing asked Faith what turns her on, and Faith's answer about foreplay went viral on TikTok.
At its core, foreplay is a combination of intimate acts meant to inspire sexual arousal. While we typically think of these acts as physical ones, foreplay also includes emotional and mental arousal that can get someone in the mood. There can sometimes be a gap in how much each partner in the relationship needs foreplay, and for some of us, we may need more than our partners to get to the point where we're ready to engage in sex. If this is the case, it's important to approach your partner about your need for more foreplay. Because the truth is, we cannot overstate the importance of foreplay for a satisfying sex life. And an emphasis on foreplay helps create a mental shift about sex: it's about the journey, not the destination. Well, Faith's comment about foreplay has opened up a huge online conversation and shifted the way we think about foreplay, and ultimately sex as a whole.
Foreplay is how you treat each other for the whole day
When Jamie Laing asked Paloma Faith what turns her on in a clip shared on TikTok, the singer said: "People who understand that foreplay is what you talk about for the whole day, and how you treat each other for the whole day," she began. "It's not just spit on your fingers and rub." What an amazing answer. Faith's incredible response about arousal has people chiming in all over TikTok, praising this response. It brings foreplay out of the bedroom (or shower, or couch, or wherever you like to get busy) and brings it into the day's routine.
@jamielaing Paloma Faith we salute you 🤣 @paloma faith @Great Company #greatcompanypodcast
People are engaging in this discussion about foreplay, noting that a happy, vigorous sex life is all about how you treat each other for the entirety of the day. People were all about this in the comments. "Agreed, emotional connection before physical," one person commented. "no truer words have ever been spoken," another began. "you can't put food in a cold oven. you gotta wait till it's preheated." For Faith and others, the act of "preheating the oven" is all about how kind, thoughtful, and tender you are outside of sex acts. Another person added, "THIS!!! if I'm not feelin loved by you, I'm not feelin it." Amen! You need to make the other person feel prioritized and treasured throughout the day. It'll pay dividends by the time you two fall into bed together.
Foreplay is all the non-physical intimacy in between sex
This expanded view of foreplay is blowing up on social media, and people are engaging with the concept that foreplay is so much more than the immediate period of intimacy before sex. Psychotherapist Esther Perel mirrored what Paloma Faith said about foreplay, noting that in happy relationships, it basically happens all day long. "Foreplay is the energy that runs through an entire relationship," Perel wrote on Instagram. "It begins at the end of the previous orgasm and it lives as an ever-present suggestion that a small look, touch, text, or banter might lead to a little more." The suggestion from these sage voices is that foreplay is something to focus on in and of itself. Rather than narrowing our scope to see sex as the final word on intimacy, foreplay is the thread that carries these more exciting acts throughout our days. It's about focusing on pleasure and connection throughout the day, rather than only a climax.
People on social media have offered all kinds of suggestions for what this can look like. On TikTok, human sexuality professor Dr. Nicole K. McNichols said that this expansive form of foreplay can include flirting with your partner throughout the day and talking about sexual fantasies or positions that are worth trying. Dr. McNichols also noted that showing care towards your partner and talking about their day are valuable forms of non-physical intimacy that ultimately make for a healthy sex life.