How To Handle Sex With Chronic Pain

Chronic pain is an issue for millions of people. Defined as a long-standing pain that often interrupts one's ability to navigate daily activities normally, a 2024 study published in Stat Pearls found that over one-quarter of the U.S. population suffers from chronic pain. Not only does chronic pain — which can happen anywhere in the body — interfere with day-to-day things like eating, sleeping, and working, but it can even stand in the way of being able to enjoy sex.

According to a 2008 study published in Pain Research and Management, 78% of the millions of people with chronic pain have a hard time having sex. Of those who receive treatment for their pain, a 2023 study found that sexual dysfunction was a common side effect for 70% of people. So while it's great that pain relief exists, if it's standing in the way of being able to physically have sex or even desire it, then that relief comes at a price. 

Because sexual pleasure is a human right and everyone should be able to experience it, Women exclusively spoke to OB/GYN and chief medical officer at AgeRejuvenation, Dr. Dawn Ericsson, to figure out how one can handle sex with chronic pain. But before we get into that, it's important for everyone dealing with this issue to know that they're not alone. Far from it.

Orgasms come with major benefits. Sure, they feel amazing, but everything else they bring to the table makes them nature's miracle drug. "Orgasms can improve your emotional, mental, and physical health through the release of neurochemicals," says Dr. Ericsson. "Not only do these neurotransmitters provide a sensation of pleasure and connectedness with others, but they also benefit overall health by improving cardiovascular health, increasing immune system function, rejuvenate sexual tissues, improving sleep, decreasing various types of pain, lowering depression, and relieving stress." According to the Cleveland Clinic, the most common side effects that come with chronic pain are anxiety, depression, mood swings, and insomnia — all of which can improve with orgasms.

Orgasms are also an important part of pelvic health. "As an OB/GYN, the type of chronic pain that I am most familiar with is chronic pelvic pain in women," says Dr. Ericsson. "Chronic pelvic pain can stem from several conditions such as endometriosis, fibroids, scar tissue from prior pelvic surgeries, chronic pelvic inflammatory disease, bladder inflammation (interstitial cystitis), or irritable bowel syndrome." When you orgasm, you can strengthen the pelvic floor by contracting the vaginal muscles just as you would when doing Kegel exercises. As Ericsson explains, this could help minimize pain in the pelvic region.

Because chronic pain can happen anywhere in the body and how people experience this pain varies not just in sensation, but in degree, there's no one specific way to deal with it. But having a partner who understands you is paramount. "Sex may require a very personal communication, increased patience, and change in activities such as foreplay, masturbation, and positional changes," says Dr. Ericsson. It's important to keep in mind that sex looks different to different people and how you experience pleasure shouldn't be based on what the mainstream media preaches.

For some people, desensitization can help reduce chronic pain, leading to more enjoyable sex. However, this route takes a very long time and doesn't come with a guarantee. "Desensitization involves gradually exposing the affected area to various sensations over time, allowing the brain to adjust and reduce its sensitivity to pain signals," says Dr. Ericsson. "It isn't a quick fix and may not work for everyone, but it can be an effective therapy to use prior to sexual activity."

One of the worst things anyone can do, whether they have chronic pain or not, is let performance anxiety stand in the way of enjoying sex. "Performance anxiety can significantly impact sexual activity," says Dr. Ericsson. "It often stems from worries related to prior sexual experiences or fear of not being able to please a partner." Although your chronic pain may stand in the way of being able to do certain things or engage in specific positions, there's still a whole boatload of other sex-related activities you can do.

But if you're feeling like you won't live up to your partner's expectations or what you expect from yourself, then Dr. Ericsson suggests addressing the elephant in the room and just talking about it. "It is essential to recognize that an inability to perform from time to time does not mean that a person is unable to have sex," says Dr. Ericsson. "It may help to focus the mind fully on the senses during sexual activity, rather than overthinking or analyzing the event."

However, if you just can't shake the performance anxiety, then talking to your medical provider or therapist can help. There are options, but you won't know what those are unless you speak up and communicate your concerns and experiences to your doctor.