5 Tips To Make The Most Out Of Dating Apps (We Know You're Tired Of Swiping)

Since the launch of Tinder in September 2012, people have tried to understand the algorithm behind dating apps. In the early days, when there were far fewer people using them, it didn't seem like the system was against anyone. But as more eligible users joined, it appeared that maybe the apps weren't sincere and, therefore, could be manipulated. To prove this, a writer for Slate went deep into the trenches of dating apps to find a pattern that gave her the results she wanted. While she believed her efforts paid off and she cracked the code, dating app spokespeople deny that there's any system (read: scam) involved. "We do not withhold possible matches from users," a Hinge spokesperson told Gizmodo in August 2023 when asked about shadow-banning users. "We want our users to match with the people they're compatible with and delete our app."

But here's the thing: Tinder was created to play upon our "what if?" mentality. Inspired by Project Pigeon, Tinder's Jonathan Badeen banked on the fact that when faced with the possibility of there always being something else, people would fight against their instinct to quit and continue to swipe. From the start, the act of swiping was intended to be a gamble, and an addictive one — which is exactly why Match Group is being sued. To figure out how to get the most out of dating apps, Women exclusively spoke to bestselling author and relationship expert, Susan Winter.

As much as some might think it's completely and unethical to change your age on a dating app, it can play in your favor. "My clients have said that lowering their age allows for a greater influx of matches," says Winter, adding "but that carries its own issues if the relationship moves forward."

But there's a reason why lowering your age — and we're talking minimally here, as in no more than a few years and definitely not an entire decade — works: the majority of people on dating apps are on the younger side. According to a 2023 Pew Research Center survey, on Tinder, which is the most used app, 79% of daters are under 30. By the time you get to the next age group, which is 30 to 49, that 79% drops all the way down to 44%. In fact, across the board of all major dating apps, it's the Millennial age group that, percentage-wise, isn't fairing very well. So if you're 34 and drop your age to 29 to get more action on the app, is it a crime? Not exactly. But if things eventually get hot and heavy with a partner, you may find you have some explaining to do. Sure, some people see age as just a number, but those who don't are likely to wonder what else you might be dishonest about.

All apps are meant to be used and used frequently. That's why they were created, after all. "The algo loves activity, so frequent users are favored," says Winter. "The same is true on social media sites." While you may think swiping while lying on the couch watching a few episodes of "Sex and the City," is sufficient, it really isn't enough. You need to be super committed so you stay in circulation.

"Frequent users are more apt to pay for premium services," says Winter. "They've got skin in the game financially and they are investing time to actively search for a partner. While you're online searching for a partner, you're visible to others searching for theirs. It's a win-win for the dating apps."

It's also worth noting that some days and times are better for swiping than others, so that's when you want to be super engaging with the apps. According to research by Bumble, the day and time of the week that gets the most activity is Monday between seven and eight at night. It's also been found that there's a best day of the whole year to not just swipe, but set up a profile if you've yet to give online dating a try: the first Sunday in January. It seems with the New Year comes the hope for a new partner.

It's time to ditch all those selfies. Granted, selfies have a time and a place, but they're a major dating app mistake. Think about it this way: have you ever been on an app and thought to yourself, "Wow! This person looks so interesting thanks to all these selfies!" Probably not. Instead, put some effort into your photos.

"In today's swipe culture, you have one second to capture someone's attention," Winter exclusively tells Women. "That's why your main profile photo has to be terrific." Even the best selfies are rarely labeled terrific. "[The main photo] needs to represent the highest version of the real you. This is your best asset for capturing the kind of attention that would make someone investigate further."

Winter also suggests having what she calls "lifestyle photos." If you love to hike, then post of photo of you hiking. If you're big into live music, learning how to Tango, or anything else that proves you're more than just a 2-D person on a dating app, capture that through pictures. "[These photos] are crucial for attracting better matches online," says Winter. "These images showcase who you are and offer a glimpse into the life potential partners could share with you. This is what makes them want to connect and find out more about you."

While the thought of paying to find love might make you cringe, there's always some money involved when meeting someone. If you go to a bar, you're dropping money on drinks. If you contact a matchmaker, there's money being spent there too. Even if you're lucky enough to find yourself in a meet-cute situation where you and your soulmate bump into each other and spill coffee, you've spent money — and you end up spending more because now you need another coffee. So if you think about it that way and consider the filters at play for those paying for apps, you might be less likely to gripe.

"Paid services filter out those who are 'just looking,' [because] subscription payments identify the individual who's invested in finding a partner," says Winter. "It's fine to begin with the free sites just to get your bearings. You'll find a greater number of individuals on the free sites but your outcome will be hit or miss."

While paying for a subscription will narrow down who's looking for something serious, as opposed to a fling, Winter says don't fall for the premium tier or similar features that apps try to sell you. "I've had several clients assured that their higher payment would grant them access to the 'top-tier' of premium matches. Not so," says Winter. "When they actually met their dates, the men revealed they were already on the app for free." So, in that respect, save your money.

When we asked Winter about Jedidaja Otte, the writer for Slate who thought she'd figured out how to "win" at dating apps, Winter wasn't buying it. "The journalist you've mentioned was actively filtering for suitable partners," says Winter. "That's the best way to approach dating apps. Forget worrying about algorithms ... dating is a numbers game and especially so on the apps. Today's algorithm doesn't mean it will apply tomorrow." In other words, thinking that you are gaming dating apps is actually an illusion.

According to Winter, the best way to make the most out of apps is to know who and what you want, have a clear focus on that type of person, and quit worrying about algorithms. "You're in control of choosing the correct person for your romantic goals," says Winter.

Can dating apps feel sort of pointless? Of course. But even if the apps didn't exist, it's not as though the love of your life would just show up at your door anyway. It takes time, you need to kiss a lot of frogs, as they say, and be patient. A 2023 survey by OnePoll/Forbes Health found that close to 70% of people found themselves in a serious, romantic relationship with someone they met on an app. So, finding a connection that can lead to love does actually happen, you just need to stick with all that swiping and keep your mind open — your heart too.