Shallowing May Be The Perfect Sex Act For Maximum Pleasure

When it comes to sex, a lot of people think of penetration. While penetration, vaginally or anally, is definitely a way in which a person can experience sexual pleasure, it's certainly not the only way. Considering the human body has over seven trillion nerves and erogenous zones can run the gamut (people can actually have skin orgasms), to narrow down pleasure to just one sex act is extremely limiting.

But when you break away from the heteronormative narrative that's warped our brains into sex being just one thing, you can see there's so much more out there. One of those things is shallowing and, if you have a vagina, it's something worth exploring. "Shallowing is when you play with those nerve endings [at the vaginal entrance] to find the depth at which you most enjoy the penetration," sexologist Marla Renee Stewart told Well + Good. "This can aid in helping you feel pleasure and get acclimated with your genitals." Although the entrance of the vagina doesn't have nearly as many nerve endings as the clitoris, stimulating this area can still feel really good for some people.

Because not everyone is into penetrative sex, Women exclusively talked to sexologist and relationship therapist, Sofie Roos from Passionerad, about everything shallowing-related. If you're looking to try something you haven't done before or you're not too keen on penetration, then shallowing might be for you.

Often when vulva owners have sex or masturbate, they go right to intercourse or focus on the clitoris. While both of these things are great and can feel fantastic, if you roll things back a bit and shift your intention toward the vaginal entrance, you'll find a whole new world of sensations. You may already do this, but may not have known there was a word for it. 

According to Sofie Roos, shallowing is a form of edging — the practice of delaying an orgasm through repetitive stimulation. "You just enter the first centimeters of the vagina, to then pull out again and repeat," says Roos. "This technique makes the person want more, and it generally drives them crazy out of horniness and gives [them] strong orgasms."

You can indulge in shallowing with a partner or solo, using whatever you prefer to stimulate the vaginal entrance. This could be your partner's penis, tongue, or fingers, or your favorite sex toy. There's no right or wrong way to stimulate this area, as long as it feels good and you're comfortable. As Roos explains, shallowing can be used as foreplay, the main act, or at the end of a sexual romp, as a way to practice some aftercare.

If you practice edging, then you know that delaying orgasm intensifies the orgasm later on. Shallowing resembles this practice because you're taking time to stimulate an area before going all in, therefore increasing the pleasure of the end result. Also, it feels really good and that, in itself, is a benefit.

"The vagina and [anus] have the most nerve endings right around the entrance, and shallowing maximizes the stimulation of this erogenous zone," says Sophie Roos. (Yes, this is your reminder to add butt play to your to-do list.) While both these benefits are great, the biggest upside to shallowing is learning how to orgasm from penetrative sex — something that isn't easy for most people. Study after study has found that the number of people with vulvas who can orgasm from penetrative sex is a very small amount. According to the Mayo Clinic, fewer than one in five can climax from penetration alone, while a 2016 study published in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology put that figure at only 6%.

"Shallowing is about slow movements and high sensitivity, and if done right, most people with a vagina can climax from it, making the penetrative sex much more interesting and enjoyable for everyone," says Roos. But if you don't have an orgasm from this technique, don't sweat it, but also don't give up. There are roughly 15 different types of orgasms that you can experience if you have a vulva, so there's one out there for everybody.

As Sophie Roos exclusively tells Women, the most important thing when exploring shallowing is not going too deep. Although you may be tempted to go all-in, try to slow down, garner self-control, and build up the tension.

"If you're discovering shallowing on your own, I recommend placing a hand over your vagina or [anus] in a way that only lets you move the tip of your fingers inside yourself," says Roos, adding that this will prevent too much depth. "Put your palm on your stomach at a distance where you can reach the top of your vagina or [anus] with your index and middle finger." If you want to use sex toys, Roos recommends a dildo with a suction base. "Place it [on] a wall so it penetrates you in doggy style, then practice until you find how to move to just have the tip of the dildo inside of you." 

The great thing about shallowing on your own is that you can take what you discover and share that with your partner, helping them master the art. Or, of course, you can try it with a partner. "[Shallowing is easiest] in the missionary or spooning sex positions where the one with the penis is in charge," says Roos. Again, slow movements are essential. It may take practice to learn restraint, but when you get there, you'll have added another sex act to your repertoire.