Sex Tips To Make Being On Top More Enjoyable

When it comes to sex, positions run the gamut. While the Kama Sutra claims there are over 200 sex positions, unless you're a contortionist, most people can only manage a handful of those. After all, sex is supposed to feel good, not require twisting yourself into a pretzel as if you were in the circus.

Although the average person probably has about a half dozen positions they stick to, it doesn't mean that all these positions are comfortable for both partners. For example, as much as being on top can feel really good for those with a vulva, it also requires a lot of work which can detract from the experience. It might seem easy, in theory, but once you get up there, so many questions can come to mind: Am I supposed to sit up straight? Where do I put my hands? Did my knee just crack or was that his penis?

Since being on top and genuinely liking it can be a feat for some, Women exclusively spoke to sexologist and founder of Embrace Sexual Wellness Dr. Jennifer Litner about how to make being on top more enjoyable. You'll never have to question your ability ride your partner again.

People need to stop thinking that once a person climbs on top of their partner they should be able to perfectly maneuver about — and enjoy it — without any assistance. It would be great if sex positions didn't involve finagling, but that's not the case. Even young people without underlying physical issues can struggle to get their legs, especially their knees, in a comfortable spot that won't result in day-after pain. Because of this, don't be afraid to use the soft things around you to help ease any discomfort.

"If you're trying to find a more physically comfortable position, you can try using cushions for your knees, or alternating from vertical to the all-fours position," says Dr. Jennifer Litner. Not to be confused with doggy style, the all-fours position in this scenario would still keep you straddling your partner, but your hands would be on the floor or bed on either side of their body. As Dr. Litner explains, this is a great way to take pressure off your knees, allowing you to relax and focus on the sexual journey, as opposed to the aches and pains in your legs. It also eases stress on the thighs.

When it comes to balance, some people have it and some people don't. And even those who do have it might not be able to find their center of gravity when they straddle their partner and start moving their hips. That's where reaching for physical support comes in handy. For some, that support may come in the form of the wall, a bedpost, or your partner's body — their chest is right there in front of you, so you might as well lean in for a caress or two. If you're not sure whether this position and movement will work for you, Dr. Jennifer Litner suggests trying it in a non-sexual moment so you can get more confident with how it feels. 

Not to give you double duty while you're up there riding high, but this position will also allow you to stimulate your partner's nipples — if that's something they're interested in exploring. According to a 2006 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, 82% of women and 52% of men report enhanced sexual arousal due to nipple stimulation, whereas only seven to eight percent of respondents experienced a decrease in arousal when their nipples were fondled. With those numbers, it's worth asking your partner if their nipples could use some attention. 

One of the biggest problems that comes with watching porn is how unrealistic the positions are — and, of course, perpetrating the narrative that women can orgasm from penetration alone. If real-life sex were like porn sex, then we'd all be as flexible as Gumby and climaxing the moment someone touched us. But porn is entertainment and, unless you're an adult performer, you can't expect to bounce sky-high on your partner's penis or dildo and land perfectly without injuring you or your partner. It's with this in mind, that you should try something else instead.

"Some people prefer a rocking motion or shifting their hips forward then backward to try out different angles while on top," says Dr. Jennifer Litner. "If penetration is part of the experience, it's helpful to check in with your partner to ensure it's comfortable for them too and so that you can be conscious of any sensitivity with the penis or pleasure device involved."

Keeping your movements small and more along the lines of grinding can feel just as good, if not better, than the bouncing we see all the time in porn. Also, if you struggle to orgasm with a partner, grinding will help stimulate the clitoris, increasing your chances of climax.

Let's not kid ourselves: sex without sex toys is like ice cream without sprinkles. You don't necessarily them it, but they certainly make everything so much yummier. In other words, if you really want to make being on top as enjoyable as possible, then you want to bring in the battery-operated goodies. And not just one, but a few to see which is the best fit for you. 

"I love toys and always use them during sex," writer and founder of Unveild Cheyenne Davis told Cosmopolitan. "If I'm in cowgirl, I like to opt for a bullet vibe or a small wand because it's easier for me to reach my clit and not overwhelm myself with sensations."

Because being on top puts your clitoris front and center, either you or your partner can navigate the sex toy. If you prefer to keep things hands-free, then choosing a wearable vibrator like Eva by Dame, a sex toy brand created by and for women, is the perfect option. There are, of course, other brands that make wearables, but Eva is easy to use and isn't as complicated as some other brands that come with apps and other bells and whistles. 

Sex, all forms of it, is something that takes practice. Although many people inherently have sexual desires once they reach a certain age, that doesn't necessarily mean they know what they're doing once those desires are put into motion. If a position as simple as missionary can be rocky the first few times around, then of course being on top is going to be tricky too. For some people, it can take years before being on top becomes comfortable and enjoyable. That's why it's paramount to practice. 

"Practicing something educates you more about your body and someone else's body and therefore, with more practice comes more ingrained knowledge on what you need to do," sexpert for the sexual wellness brand Lovers Marla Renee Stewart, MA told Bustle. "The more you know, the more confident you will feel about the situation."

If you've had all the practice in the world and you're still not enjoying being on top, then maybe it's not the best position for you. Sex is a mental and physical exploration, and if your mind and body don't align while you're on top, that's okay! Considering the plethora of positions out there, there's a perfect position for you — it just may take a bit of creativity to find it.