What Is 'Sexual Fasting'? Everyone Has An Opinion On This Controversial Trend

While this might sound like a shock, sex is on the back burner right now. This new trend, known as sexual fasting, is exactly what it sounds like. People are taking a deliberate break from intercourse for all sorts of alleged mental and physical benefits. From TikTok to celeb interviews, couples are sharing about their choice to refrain from sex. Kourtney Kardashian, while speaking to Bustle in March 2022 about her relationship with Travis Barker, spoke about undergoing an Ayurvedic cleanse which included a sex fast. "Oh my God, it was crazy," Kardashian said. "But it actually ... made everything better. Like, if you can't have caffeine, when you have your first matcha, it's so good."

People claim to feel more mental clarity, increased emotional intimacy with their partners, and a boost in sexual fire once the fast is over. The benefits are anecdotal, however. As of yet, there's no scientific evidence that sexual fasting does all the things that these people say it does. Nevertheless, we're intrigued, so Women.com spoke with Dr. Emily May, a sex therapist with Private Sugar Club, about this phenomenon. To our great surprise, Dr. May tells us that there are some instances where sexual fasting could be a good thing. 

The essence of sexual fasting is perspective. Dr. Emily May explains to Women.com that when done well, sexual fasting offers a clearer picture of the relationship, showcasing the other ways you thrive as a connected pair. "I've had clients come to me, totally curious about this, and I usually tell them, 'It's not about depriving yourself, it's about taking a step back to see what else is in the mix,'" Dr. May exclusively tells Women. "Sometimes we forget that intimacy isn't just about what happens between the sheets. There's a lot to be said for just sitting on the couch together, fully clothed, binge-watching something terrible on Netflix, and talking. Sexual fasting can highlight all the other ways you connect." 

The point of sexual fasting is to focus on everything else you have that brings you together, urging couples to be more deliberate about romance and closeness when sex is temporarily off the table. How long the sexual fast lasts is entirely up to you and your partner. On TikTok, some people reported trying it for a week. On Reddit, some tried it for one to three months. 

It's also important to note that sexual fasting is not the same as celibacy or abstinence. The latter concepts refer to people refraining from sexual intimacy for a lifetime or extended periods, typically for religious reasons. Here, we're speaking of sexually active people, choosing to take a temporary break. 

It is possible that couples can experience emotional benefits from a sex fast. Our expert, Dr. Emily May, tells Women that taking the emphasis off of sex can allow other connective avenues in a relationship to open up. "There are, of course, numerous emotional benefits to sexual fasting too," Dr. May says. "Stepping away from sex for a bit can make you tune into the nuances of your relationship. You might rediscover how much you enjoy just hanging out with your partner without that pressure to get physical." On top of that, sex and intimacy become so much more meaningful when the fast is over. The hope is that fasting will reignite that sexual fire, especially if a couple has been going through a dry spell. 

People claimed other benefits, too. Dr. May says that some reported more mental energy when they weren't thinking about sex. "Some of my clients who've tried this say they felt mentally sharper, less distracted, and oddly empowered," our expert explains. "When you're not constantly engaging in or thinking about sex, it clears up headspace for other parts of life that need attention." There is no scientific proof of this, but the anecdotal reports are certainly something worth thinking about. 

Sexual fasting certainly comes with a plethora of claims that it can spice up a dwindling sex life, but don't assume that a fast will fix the relationship. "While the claims about reviving the spark can be true in most cases, it's not some magic bullet that'll turn a stale relationship into a sizzling one overnight," Dr. Emily May tells Women. "But sure, a bit of absence can make the heart grow fonder. Anticipation can be sexy, and breaking that routine might remind you why you enjoy sex in the first place. I've seen couples who come out of a sexual fast more excited and more engaged."

However, Dr. May notes that a sexual fast isn't capable of smoothing over other issues in a relationship. "I always warn that if there are deeper issues going on, like communication problems or resentment, abstinence won't fix those," Dr. May says. If there are bigger concerns at play, seeking couples therapy is an excellent idea. You could even approach your partner about sex therapy if this is a particular concern in your relationship. That may do more in the long run than a sexual fast. 

If you or your partner want to try a sexual fast, there are some useful things to keep in mind. Communicate clearly with your partner about the duration of the fast; more importantly, be outspoken about the intentions behind the fast. The goal of sexual fasting is to enhance intimacy in other ways in a relationship, to become closer to your partner, and to see sex from a different vantage point so that the two of you can come back to it refreshed. 

Dr. Emily May urges people to make sure they're not using a sexual fast for other reasons. "Make sure you're not doing it as a punishment or an escape," she says. "There are many instances where couples take a hiatus from sex for all the wrong reasons, only to end up creating more distance between them." So be very clear with your partner about why you want a sexual fast, and what you hope to get out of it. 

Lastly, don't worry too much if it flops. "It's okay if it doesn't work for you," Dr. May says. "This is just one technique in a whole myriad that can be used to improve your sex life." So if a sexual fast holds some appeal for you, by all means, give it a go. But don't feel like things are doomed if it doesn't work magic overnight.