Quirofilia: The Sexual Fetish, Explained

There's a plethora of interesting things when it comes to sexuality, but among the most fascinating is that it's not black and white. Sexuality, sexual desire, and sex acts themselves are gorgeously complicated, such that there's genuinely something for everyone. A lot of where that inclusion happens is through kinks and fetishes. While the two aren't the same, to have a kink or a fetish kind simply means your sexual interests run outside the parameters of what psychologists might consider more common. But that doesn't mean it's wrong. Enter: Quirofilia.

Quirofilia is a fetish in which one sexualizes hands. This isn't just an admiration of attractive hands — because some people have some knockout hands — but a sexual desire for them. "A true fetish means that the object must be present for arousal and/or orgasm to occur," AASECT-certified sex therapist Indigo Stray Conger, LMFT, CST told Well + Good. "In quirofilia, this would mean that looking at, touching, or being touched by a hand is a necessary part of the sexual excitation of the cycle and that a person with quirofilia is unusually focused on hands as an arousal point."

But because there's more to quirofilia than arousal by hands, Women exclusively talked to Emily May, AASECT-certified sex therapist and writer at Private Sugar Club, as well as Sofie Roos, sexologist, relationship therapist, and writer at Passionerad to understand more about this particular fetish. If you've been thinking hands might be your thing, now you'll be able to know for sure.

When it comes to fetishes, hands aren't usually the focal point. In fact, foot fetishes are the most common, but as they say, different strokes for different folks. So how are you supposed to know if you have quirofilia? If you're asking, you either don't have it, or you have yet to lean into it.

 "We can all admire someone's nice nails or how clean their cuticles are but quirofilia goes way beyond this," says Emily May. "It's an intense, deeply personal attraction to hands that can be a massive turn-on for some people. For people with quirofilia, it's all about the intricate details, like the feel of skin, the motion of fingers, and even the natural contours. Sometimes, it's not just what hands do, but the potential of what they could do." And hands, as we all know, can do lots of things.

As Sofie Roos explains, if you have quirofilia, you're going to see hands as a sexually loaded object, not just what they are: hands made of flesh and blood. "[You] will get sexually excited by touching or licking someone's fingers, while a person who just appreciates beautiful hands won't get sexual satisfaction, even though they can find the stimulation nice." Because hands are often used during sex, you may find yourself confused. If it's the stimulation that arouses you and not the conscious fact that hands are at play, you probably don't have quirofilia.

Because sexual preferences are so personal, there's no one thing that every person with quirofilia is turned on by. For some, quirofilia is an umbrella term for fetishizing specific parts of the hands, like the fingernails. For example, if someone has a fetish for long nails, it's called onychophilia. But sexual attraction to nails, fingers, palms, and all the rest of it, still warrants an explanation, if only to have a deeper understanding of the fetish.

"Hands have this incredible versatility, connecting to our sense of touch and can be powerful, capable, even seductive," Emily May exclusively tells Women. From there, it comes down to specifics. As Sofie Roos explains, those with quirofilia usually find themselves aroused by one or two parts of the hands, and not necessarily the hand in its entirety. "One can get extremely turned on by a specific type of this part of the hand, for example by long and thin fingers, by a hand with lots of visible veins, or by chubby fingers," says Roos.

While we can hypothesize the "why" in this equation, that answer ultimately requires personal reflection. "Why people get turned on by hands is just as with everything else: humans have different tastes in things," says Roos. But if you have quirofilia and you embrace this part of yourself, you may feel sexual desire doesn't require a thorough explanation. It simply is what it is.

Whether you have quirofilia or not, if you want to incorporate hands more during sex there are tons of ways to do that. Sofie Roos suggests that when the genitals of either partner are being stimulated, make sure the hands are visible so they're the star of the show. Also paying more attention to your partner's hands is a great way to explore that desire. "Lick and suck on their fingers just as if it was a [penis] you were giving a blow job," says Roos. "Use your tongue, lick and kiss the fingers at different [speeds] and with different depths and pressure."

If you want to take things out of the bedroom, you can go into another part of the house and ask your partner to perform something with their hands. "For example, [watch your partner] cut fruit, cook, write, paint, knit, or sew," says Roos. "At the same time, touch yourself or your partner." You can also experiment with nail polish colors, rings, hand massages, and other things that involve the hands being front and center. Let yourself be creative as to the ways you can make hands a bigger part of your sex life. Roos also advises using your favorite lube to further enhance the sensations.

The best thing about quirofilia is that, unlike some sexual fetishes that can intimidate a new partner, hands don't often induce an ick factor. It's a fairly easy one to communicate and know that the chances of your partner being judgmental are really low. "It always starts with a conversation about your interests," says Emily May. "Tell them what you find attractive about hands and what you might want to try." May suggests starting slowly by simply holding each other's hands, then evolving to hand massages, but keep it light-hearted. There's no point in going from zero to 60, especially with someone who's completely new to being with someone who has a hand fetish. "Ask your partner what they're comfortable with and keep the lines open for both of you," explains May. "And the main thing [is] have some fun with it."

Sofie Roos agrees that you want to approach the topic with your partner and, like May said, talk about it. Your fetish is your own thing and you shouldn't spring it onto an unsuspecting partner. "You don't need to put it out as quirofilia if you're not comfortable with it," says Roos. "You can instead say that you think that hands are extremely sexy and that you'd like to involve them more during the sex."

If you're wondering how the heck you developed quirofilia, or how any fetish comes into existence for that matter, you'll be excited to know that the experts aren't exactly sure. "With all the paraphilic disorders or matters of sexual interest that don't involve typical sexual objects or behaviors, we can question how the behavior develops and what might this involve in terms of a lifestyle, but many of these questions are open-ended," psychiatrist Dr. Richard Krueger told Healthline.

The one thing that most psychologists and other experts believe is that fetishes are developed in childhood. For example, with quirofilia, somewhere along the line when you were just a kid, hands became more than just hands. Instead, they took on a sexual aspect and you couldn't shake this thinking. It could have been something you saw or physically experienced that led you to find sexual gratification in hands and now here you are, an adult being aroused by hands — and that's okay. It's more than okay.

As famous sex researcher Alfred Kinsey once said, "The only unnatural sex act is that which can't be performed." In other words, you do you. As long you're engaging in sex acts with a consenting adult, what gets you off is your business and yours alone. So, lean into your fetishes and kinks, and enjoy them.