So, How Much Is A Normal Amount Of Self-Pleasure? (Asking For A Friend)

Whether you call it sexual self-care or rubbing one out, masturbation is one of the healthiest — and safest — ways to enjoy yourself. Not only does it feel good, but its benefits are endless, positively affecting physical, mental, and emotional health.

For far too long, masturbation was something that, allegedly, only people with penises did (not true). But because of that widely held belief, vulva owners are just starting to embrace it on a widespread scale. According to 2022 research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, 35.9% of men and 8.8% of women reported having masturbated at least once a week in the year before the study took place. Reasons why someone might masturbate run the gamut, ranging from relieving tension, exploring the body, using it as a sleep aid, or satisfying a sexual craving. But when something feels so good, should there be a cap on how often you do it? 

"There truly is no healthy amount of self-pleasure," sex and relationship therapist and social worker, Leigh Norén, exclusively tells Women. "It's a 'whatever floats your boat' kind of thing. However, sometimes we can worry we're overdoing it, especially as women. This is because a lot of us grow up in a culture where women's sexual exploration is seen as taboo." To better understand what "normal" means regarding masturbation, Women also spoke with licensed sexologist and relationship therapist at Passionerad, Sofie Roos. Soon, you won't have to second-guess if you've over-indulged in masturbation or if you're practicing self-care.

As Leigh Norén points out, it's hard to say what's healthy and what's normal, because it's different for everyone and changes over time. For example, if you were never big into masturbating, then doing it every day might seem a little weird to you, but it's normal and healthy. "You're likely to go through periods when you're super horny and want to masturbate four to five times a day," says Sofie Roos. "Then come to periods where you might only do it once a week."

Many factors contribute to why you might feel the urge to masturbate more at certain times than at others. From your hormones and menstrual cycle to your stress levels and need to decompress — or your upgraded arsenal of sex toys for solo sex — there are many components at play as to someone's masturbation frequency. Roos explains that as long as you feel in control and that your masturbating isn't standing in the way of work, school, or whatever else you might have on your daily itinerary, then there's no need to overthink it or concern yourself with it possibly being too much or too often.

Honestly, anything and everything can be done too much. Even things that are regarded as extremely healthy, like exercise, can stray into "too much" territory. "For some people, masturbation can sometimes tip over into feeling compulsive," says Leigh Norén. "Oftentimes this is because masturbation is being used as an outlet for something else, [like] a way to deal with anxiety or stress." Although Norén points out that this isn't necessarily a bad thing, if masturbation becomes the only way you deal with these feelings, it may start to stand in the way of everyday life.

Sofie Roos agrees that it is possible to masturbate too much, but she also says that you'll probably realize it's becoming more of a habit, instead of something you do when you want to. "Generally, most people can handle it and keep it at a good level even during periods with [a lot of] masturbation," says Roos. 

And, of course, if you're experiencing any sort of skin irritation due to too much self-pleasure, that's a definitive heads-up to scale back on the frequency and/or aggression, if you tackle your solo play with a heavy hand. This is also why choosing the right lube for your sex life, whether solo or partnered, is important. 

In addition to potentially physically hurting yourself from too much masturbation, Sofie Roos points out that you could develop an addiction to it. "The dopamine being released, the hormone that makes you feel so great, is also what [can cause] you to overdo it, because you want more of the good effects," says Roos. "If you're feeling down, sad, heartbroken, stressed, lonely, bored, or other negative feelings, dopamine can help you escape that. Since [the feeling] is only temporary, you need to masturbate again to feel the same escape." This means dopamine acts like any other feel-good drug. 

However, it's worth noting that despite the celebs who have been open about their battle with sex addiction and the research that was published in the 2019 Journal of Clinical Medicine, hypersexual behavior and addictions to sex or masturbation still aren't recognized as mental health conditions in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), which is the most recent edition.

There have also been debates about whether vibrator use during masturbation could make it hard to get there other ways, especially since some toys, like wand vibrators, can be extremely intense. "As long as you mix your sex toys and not only use wands, you're fine," says Roos. "You can, for example, use an air pulse vibrator that stimulates [the clitoris without physical contact.]"

Ultimately, the benefits of masturbating regularly — or as much as you want without hurting yourself — outweigh the downsides. And that's something that should be at the forefront of your brain, instead of whether your frequency of it is in the "normal" range. Masturbation, like sex, has great mental health benefits thanks to the dopamine and oxytocin released during orgasm. Even better, the latter has also been found to strengthen immune systems and is a natural anti-inflammatory, according to a 2022 study published in Comprehensive Psychoneuroendocrinology.

"Masturbating is also a great way to discover your own body and to find out what you like and dislike," says Sofie Roos. "[This is] something you can use every time you're having sex with others, because if you don't know what gets [you off] and what kind of stimulation [gets you there], can you really expect your partner to know?" In other words, a great sex life with others starts by cultivating one with yourself. 

Last, but certainly not least, self-pleasure is a feminist act — and in our current political climate, that means even more than it used to. So stop overthinking whether or not you should or shouldn't masturbate, and just do it. You'll be happy you did.