Overrated Ways To Propose (& What To Do Instead)

Proposals are a big deal. Whether you're the one doing the asking or the one saying "I do," you will always remember that day — whether or not you want to. Because wedding proposals are such a major milestone for some people, getting it right is important. But what's "right" can be debatable, based on who's doing the proposing.

"Proposals are so forever that I don't like to see trends overtake them," head of communications at Zola wedding planners, Emily Forrest Skurnik, tells Vogue. "It's not always a man proposing to a woman. When we think about a proposal, it's always someone getting down on one knee, and my biggest tip is, you don't have to do those things if it's not right for you. You just don't." You also don't have to fall into clichés when it comes to proposing, because life, despite how hard you might wish otherwise, will never be a movie.

If you're thinking about proposing to your partner and want to make a big show of it, take a step back from any major grand gesture plans you might have. Instead, think about what type of proposal will feel real and genuine for both of you. Not sure what that is? Well, it's definitely not proposing at someone else's wedding for starters. 

In theory, proposing on a holiday or on your partner's birthday sounds like a great idea. December holidays often include a lot of family events, so proposing in front of all your loved ones can feel like you're making the ultimate grand gesture. You might also believe that proposing on your partner's birthday will somehow make that day even more special than it already is. But if you choose these dates for your proposal, you're thinking in the moment and not logistically.

"We definitely see an uptick in proposals over the holidays, but the thought process behind holiday proposals seems to be much different than any other time of year," proposal planner Megan Ellis tells InsideHook, adding that once you've proposed, you and your partner are going to be faced with a ton of questions and inquiries that you're probably not ready to answer. "If you're not prepared to answer those questions repeatedly, you should probably consider waiting until after the holidays," says Ellis.

If you're thinking a Valentine's Day proposal is the epitome of romance, you want to reconsider that one too. According to a 2013 American Express Spending and Saving Tracker, via HuffPost, about six million people are proposed to on Valentine's Day. Instead of being a cliché, choose a date that's special to you and your partner. For example, the anniversary of your first date, first kiss, or something similar. Sharing your proposal date with a holiday dilutes how special the day is for you and your partner, so you want to avoid doing that.

Flashmobs came into existence in 2003 and quickly became all the rage. For a few years there, it felt like you couldn't go anywhere without possibly running into a crowd of people breaking out into song and dance. A flashmob was even used in the 2011 film, "Friends with Benefits," so Dylan (played by Justin Timberlake) could confess his love to Jamie (played by Mila Kunis), and even then it was cheesy. But if you need to make a huge, attention-getting spectacle to propose to the person you love, then maybe it's time to ask yourself a serious question: do you actually want to get married or do you just need a reason to hire a flashmob so you can post it on Instagram?

A much better option for your proposal would be a private setting in a place that's special to you and your partner. If you want to make sure that your proposal is photographed or filmed, then ask one of your besties to be part of the proposal set-up. Also, it's 2025 and flashmobs are, thankfully, no longer a thing. Or at least shouldn't be. So save your money and put it toward your future with your partner instead. After all, if buying a house is on your to-do list, you're going to need every penny you have in this housing market. 

You love food, your partner loves food, so putting the gorgeously untraditional engagement ring you just dropped several thousand dollars on in your partner's favorite food or in a glass of champagne is brilliant, right? Wrong. So wrong. It's actually scary how easy it is to accidentally swallow a whole ring and, in some cases, not even realize it. In 2009, a man named Reed Harris thought it would be romantic to hide an engagement ring in a Wendy's Frosty for his partner, Kaitlin Whipple, to find. Well, she ate the whole thing and never found the ring. "I thought [Reed] was joking," Whipple told Today. "I couldn't believe that I swallowed the ring. I kept waiting for him to get down and propose." An X-ray confirmed that the ring was inside Whipple, which resulted in her having to eat a high-fiber diet until the ring passed through her intestines and out of her body.

While something like this can make for an interesting story, an engagement ring can be a major choking hazard that can end in a tragedy. If incorporating food into your proposal is something you really feel like you need to do, then be wise about it. If your partner loves pizza, arrange the pepperonis, mushroom, or basil to ask, "Will you marry me?" If they are a big fan of a specific type of candy, then you can use those to spell out the question, as well. Just keep rings out of food and drinks at all costs.

If you and your partner share love for the same sports team, it's tempting to believe that the ideal proposal spot is at the championship game. However, popping the question over the JumboTron should never be considered. For starters, people attend games to watch their favorite teams play — not be privy to someone else's special moment, so you're creating awkwardness that nobody asked for. "It's as if this person needs to show these complete strangers they love this person by making a show out of it," content producer/reporter at NBC Sports Bay Area, Jessica Kleinschmidt, tells The New York Times. "Needing validation from complete strangers? Go on Twitter if you want to do that." 

It's also expensive and unoriginal. According to The New York Times, Fenway Park, home stadium of the Boston Red Sox, does about 50 to 60 proposals per season, with each one costing $350. If you want to propose at a New York Knicks game, that will set you back $500, and if Dodger Stadium is your dream spot for your proposal, be ready to shell out $5000. Also, putting your partner on the spot like that, in front of thousands of people can feel like an ultimatum (which is always a bad idea), possibly pressuring them to say "yes" even if they're not ready yet.

Because you want the proposal to be special and free of pressure, nix the JumboTron. If you still want the proposal to have some sports-related influence, then pop the question either before an important game or after your favorite team wins the World Series. You can still propose in the stadium in a low-key, private way that's just for the two of you. It doesn't matter what the movies have taught you, the JumboTron is impersonal and far from romantic.

While all these wedding proposal ideas are a 100% cringe, the worst of the worst is proposing at someone else's wedding. As everyone knows, a couple's' wedding day is their day. It's their time to shine and celebrate their love and union with friends and family. All the attention should be on them. To take that away isn't just rude, but cruel, and you shouldn't be surprised if your friend, whose wedding it was, never speaks to you again.

"As a planner, I feel [a] wedding day should be just that, the celebration of the couple's love," wedding planner Lea Rhynehardt tells The Knot. "From a planner's perspective when we work with our couples we ask the infamous question, 'what do you envision for your wedding day?' From experience I've never gotten a response where they share that they want their day to be about celebrating another couple or a proposal."

If you find yourself so moved and inspired by all the love in the air at someone else's wedding, that's understandable. But don't propose there. If you want a vibe that has a wedding-like in atmosphere, hire a string quartet to serenade you both in a special place where you can pop the question. Don't ever try to steal someone else's thunder.