Should You Get Your Situationship A Valentine's Day Gift?

For many people, the independence and spontaneity that comes with a situationship can be refreshing and exciting. However, handling couple-y events and holidays like Valentine's Day can be a bit complicated. While a more traditional relationship comes with presumed expectations of what February 14 might look like — romantic dinners, flowers, presents, lingerie — a situationship doesn't attach itself to these prescribed rituals. By definition, the dynamics are footloose and fancy free, without any monogamous labels like 'boyfriend,' 'girlfriend,' or 'partner.' However, things are more intimate than a casual hookup or a friendship, so not treating the other person can feel a bit rude.

"On one hand, [Valentine's Day] is a chance to celebrate your connection, but on the other, it can shine a spotlight on the uncertainty of where things really stand," Nicole Haley, Dating and Relationship Coach of Nicole Talks Love exclusively told Women.com. You don't want to alter the casual tone of your dynamic, but at the same time, giving a gift can be a nice gesture to mark the day and show your appreciation for the other person. Although it's a delicate situation, Haley explained it's possible to make a gift exchange work — provided you're both on the same page emotionally.

Nicole Haley explained that one of the easiest ways to determine if Valentine's gifting your situationship is a good idea is to check your intentions. If you're hoping that the gift will push the other person into making a commitment to you, it's probably time to pump the brakes. "Ask yourself, 'Am I giving this gift as a way to express my feelings or as a subtle nudge for them to take things to the next level?' If it's the latter, it's worth addressing those feelings directly instead of relying on gestures to do the heavy lifting," said Haley.

If a stronger commitment with labels is what you're after, it might be time to communicate your needs in the relationship.  After all, you have every right to protect your own feelings and express your needs. "The longer a situationship continues without clear communication, the greater the chance of hurt," Haley added. This is true for everyone, and particularly for those with anxious attachment styles. So if a gift is stirring more serious feelings, then have a conversation first. The gift can wait.

If you've decided to proceed with gift-giving, try not to overthink it. "Here's the thing: whether it's dinner, a heartfelt card, or a casual acknowledgment, Valentine's Day in a situationship doesn't have to mean 'This is the beginning of forever.' It can be more about showing appreciation for your connection as it currently stands," Haley exclusively told Women.com. With this simple attitude of gratitude in mind, it's wise to keep the tone light. Rather than reaching for traditionally romantic items like red roses, a humorous card can acknowledge the day without creating any awkwardness. You can also treat the other person to coffee.

Haley also told Women.com that an invitation for a casual outing or a bag of the person's favorite candy is kind and thoughtful without being intense. "Just ensure it matches the tone of your relationship," Haley advised. "A grand romantic gesture might feel misaligned and could unintentionally create pressure for both of you." 

While it's nice to make thoughtful gestures for special people in our lives, it's equally important to think about our own needs. Nicole Haley suggested that anyone in an ambiguous situation can use Valentine's Day as an opportunity to check in on how you feel. "While it can be scary to have that conversation, staying in limbo often leads to greater pain down the road," Haley told us. "You deserve to know if you're both on the same page. If you're finding yourself anxious about whether or not to give a gift, it might be a sign to evaluate what you really want and whether this dynamic is fulfilling for you." 

Haley offered us a litmus test to use when pondering whether or not to give a situationship a gift on Cupid's big day." First, ask yourself is if giving them a small gift feels like a light, happy thing and if you could handle it if they didn't respond well, or if they got you nothing in return," she said. "If you're not attached to their reaction, go ahead."

However, if you're hoping that the gift will inspire a deeper connection between you two, it's probably time to hit pause. After all, giving someone a gift is unlikely to change the way they feel. "At the end of the day, Valentine's Day doesn't have to be about defining your situationship," Haley said. "It can also be an opportunity to reconnect with what you want and deserve. Whether that's a commitment or simply some clarity, you're worth it." Take care of yourself first.