Tips For Prioritizing Intimacy Without Sex (Because You Can't Always Be In The Mood)

When it comes to having a healthy and happy relationship, intimacy is a necessary component. Intimacy is what connects us to the people in our lives, helping us build trust and allowing us to be more open and vulnerable. Even in relationships that aren't romantic or sexual, intimacy is an important factor because of the bond it creates through communication and honesty. Intimacy in any relationship is important if it's going to stand the test of time and flourish.

But sometimes people don't truly understand intimacy, mistaking it for something that's only physical. In fact, there are many ways someone can be intimate with another person that aren't remotely sexual. "A strong relationship thrives on multiple forms of intimacy, including emotional, spiritual, and intellectual," certified relationship and marriage coach Jennifer Blankl exclusively tells Women. 

"Many couples believe intimacy should come naturally and effortlessly and this can set a lot of couples up for pain and frustration. Another common misconception is that intimacy should be spontaneous. The fact is, intimacy (physical and emotional) requires communication, intentionality, and effort to maintain over time."

Trying to prioritize intimacy isn't always easy, so Women asked Blankl for tips to make sure intimacy in your relationship isn't falling by the wayside. You may not always be in the mood to have sex, but you can certainly make sure other types of intimacy remain a constant in your partnership.

Although sexual intimacy serves its purpose, no relationship can exist on sex alone. There have to be other facets that are nurtured for a healthy relationship. According to a 2023 study published in Evolutionary Psychology, people experience more positive emotions, greater sexual satisfaction, and higher rates of overall well-being in relationships where intimacy is prioritized.

In other words, sexual intimacy is just a fraction of the connection we have with our partner. Ultimately, it's all the other intimacies that make a relationship what it is. "Non-sexual intimacy is the foundation of a strong, lasting relationship," says Jennifer Blankl. "It deepens connection, builds trust, and reinforces emotional security and safety, which in turn enhances the overall health of the relationship, including physical intimacy." 

But it's not only about the relationship now, it's about how the relationship will evolve in the future as well. If you're with someone for a long time, it can become easy to shift into a stagnant place of monotony — and that's something no one wants. "Non-sexual intimacy helps keep couples out of the 'living like roommates rut' while keeping the romance and partnership alive," says Blankl.

Of course, in each relationship, non-sexual intimacy is going to look different, because what people regard as intimate varies from person to person. Because of this, deciding what intimacy looks and feels like to you and your partner is important. 

To prioritize intimacy, Jennifer Blankl suggests regular date nights. For some, that could mean making dinner together, while for others, sharing hobbies — also called practicing recreational intimacy – could be the ticket. "[You want to create] connection rituals that keep you coming together regularly in a predictable way," says Blankl, adding that even just sitting with each other and talking for 15 minutes a day without interruptions like phones or kids can build intimacy. 

While it takes work to keep intimacy alive, if you're willing to make the effort, it may stop feeling like something you need to do for the sake of your relationship and feel more like an opportunity to connect with your partner — it's a natural progression. These times together don't need to be grandiose or, as Blankl has already pointed out, a multi-hour-long rendez-vous. "Small, affectionate moments and gestures done regularly make a big difference," explains Blankl. Intimacy can be found anywhere if you open your heart and mind up to it.

If you and your partner have a fantastic sex life, but you tell them that you want to prioritize more intimacy, they might be confused. Not everyone has a clear understanding of what intimacy is — and even if your sex life is spicy, totally off the charts, and hot as heck, it doesn't mean attitudes toward emotional, spiritual, or intellectual intimacy don't need some tweaking. 

That's why you should start small and take steps that will help your partner comprehend the different types of intimacies every relationship should have. "Instead of asking for big changes all at once, incorporate small, meaningful gestures into your daily routine, like holding hands, making eye contact, or sending a thoughtful text," says Blankl, adding that keeping it playful and low-pressure will make the transition easier for both of you. 

"Communicate your desire for connection rather than just a desire for change," says Blankl. You also don't need to turn it into a big conversation where you come right out and say that you two need to work on your intimacy. By expressing your need for more connection on levels that aren't purely physical, your partner will hopefully grasp what you're hoping to achieve. Again, Blankl suggests creating rituals for this deeper connection, "like a morning or bedtime cuddle, a 'gratitude exchange,' or a no-phone dinner where you focus on each other."

Just like people don't always want to have sex 24/7, you or your partner may experience a disinterest in intimacy at times. And guess what? That's not only more than okay, but completely normal. "There are countless reasons for not being in the mood for intimacy that have nothing to do with a lack of love or something wrong with your relationship," says Bankl. 

Should this happen, it's important not force an intimate moment when you're just not feeling it. Some people naturally need more alone time than others, and it's not something that either partner should ever take personally. And even in those moments of necessary solitude, you can still keep the connection you've worked so hard to acquire alive.

"Stay curious about and in tune with your partner's needs and don't let the natural ebb and flow of intimacy deter you from your ongoing efforts to connect meaningfully with your partner," says Blankl. Like every aspect of a relationship, intimacy has highs and lows. As long as you prioritize it, while being fully aware that you may not always be in the mood to be intimate, that's what matters to the success and longevity of your partnership.