22 Hilarious Ron Swanson Quotes From 'Parks and Rec'

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Parks and Recreation via NBC

He's not wrong...

22 Hilarious Ron Swanson Quotes You’ll Hate to Admit Are True

Ron Swanson is probably the most loved (or hated, depending who you ask) character on NBC's Parks and Recreation.

However, he's not your average no-nonsense guy. Ron loves alcohol and meat like no one else you've ever known. In fact, these funny quotes remind us that's all he really talks about.

Allow these Ron Swanson quotes to bring some humor into your day. Although his comments are totally ridiculous, he always stays true to himself and what he believes in. Any Parks and Rec fan will admit they envy Ron's straight-forwardness.

Live a carefree life like Ron Swanson. At the end of the day, have no regrets. And drink lots of alcohol.

Funny Ron Swanson Quotes

  • "When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them."

  • "Strippers do nothing for me. But I will take a free breakfast buffet. Any time, any place."

  • "I've cried twice in my life. Once when I was 7 and hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed."

  • "There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk."

  • "The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."

  • "Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream, or be nothing."

  • "Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something."

Memorable Ron Swanson Quotes

  • "When I eat, it is the food that is scared."

  • "Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait... I worry what you heard was, 'Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.' What I said was, give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?"

  • "Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness.”

  • "I call this turf 'n' turf. It’s a 16-ounce T-bone and a 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American."

  • "There will be alcohol there, so I will go as well."

  • "I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food."

  • "Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets."

Best Ron Swanson Quotes

  • "You had me at 'meat tornado.'''

  • "If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party."

  • "I've had the same will since I was 8 years old."

  • "That is a canvas sheet, the most versatile object known to man. It can be used to make tents, backpacks, shoes, stretchers, sails, tarpaulins, and I suppose, in the most dire of circumstances, it can be a surface on which to make art."

  • "Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."

  • "Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are useless."

  • "Put some alcohol in your mouth to block the words from coming out."

  • "I regret nothing. The end."

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