These Zoolander Movie Quotes Will Instantly Make You Feel Dumber

Derek Zoolander
Zoolander via Paramount Pictures

Because there's nothing more important than looking good.

Ridiculous Zoolander Quotes

Since its release in 2001, Zoolander has become a cult favorite. Get a good look inside the world of male modeling as you read these hilarious quotes from the film.

As three-time male model of the year Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) wonders if there's more to life than his good looks, he discovers how much he is really capable of. Not to mention, his former enemy Hansel (Owen Wilson) joins him aboard the ultimate battle against evil.

Allow these outlandish quotes from the movie remind you just how crazy the world inside Zoolander really is. It's not easy being a male model these days, and these guys will prove it.

Memorable Zoolander Quotes

  • "You know, I love modeling. I'd like to do this forever. When I'm 30, I hope I'm still modeling." - Derek

  • "Destroy the Prime Minister of Malaysia!" - Jacobim

  • "I'm not an ambi-turner. It's a problem I had since I was a baby. I can't turn left." - Derek

  • "Why don't you Derelick... my balls?" - Hansel

  • "I can Derelik my own balls, thank you very much!" - Derek

  • "Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features doesn't mean that we still can't not die in a freak gasolinefight accident." - Derek

  • "Eugoogiligist: A person who delivers eugoogiligies." - Derek

  • "Moisture is the essence of wetness." - Derek

Funny Zoolander Quotes

  • "I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot." - Hansel

  • "Or like, doesn't, it's like, ex-squeeze me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?" - Meekus

  • "There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, 'Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman'." - Derek

  • "I'm just wearing my new look — Cold Coffee." - Derek

  • "Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?" - Hansel

  • "You're dead to me, son. You're even more dead to me than your dead mother." - Larry

  • "Put a cork in it, Zane!" - Derek

  • "So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahhh ahhh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize 'Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head'?" - Hansel

  • "If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiselled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident." - Derek

Best Zoolander Quotes

  • "What is this? A center for ants? The building has to be at least three times bigger than this!" - Derek

  • "Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor." - Larry

  • "I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is." - Derek

  • "I'm sorry that good looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself." - 

  • "Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your 'do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way'?" - Derek

  • "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it!" - Jacobim

  • "People come up to me all the time and say 'you should be a model,' or 'you look just like a model,' or 'maybe you should try to be a man who models.' And I always have to laugh because I'm so good looking. Of course I'm a model." - Derek

  • "Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique." - Jacobim

  • "Now if you'll excuse me, I have an after-funeral party to attend." - Derek

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