Literally Just 33 Deadpool Quotes That’ll Have You Gasping for Air

Deadpool 2 final trailer, Ryan Reynolds
20th Century Fox

Try not to split your sides!

Try Not To Laugh At These Deadpool Quotes

These hilarious Deadpool quotes will have you struggling to stay in your seat. This Marvel Studios film is full of comical yet heartfelt lines that keep fans wanting more. Who doesn't have a bit of guilty pleasure in laughing at pain?

Although the protagonist, Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) can be a total jerk, we can't help but love him. In a weird way, we almost relate to him. He's somehow figured out how to become one of the most likable superheroes ever created. Plus, the violence doesn't seem so bad when it's paired with witty quotes like these.

The Deadpool crew has a lot of useless wisdom to offer us fans. Go ahead and check out these quotes from the film that'll have you doubled over in laughter. Don't say we didn't warn you!

Hilarious Deadpool Quotes

  • "Looks are everything! Ever heard Dave Beckham speak? It's like he mouth-sexed a can of helium. You think Ryan Reynolds got this far on a superior acting method?" - Deadpool

  • "I didn't just get the cure to el cancer, I got the cure to el everything." - Deadpool

  • "You ate breakfast, yes? Breakfast is most important meal of day. Here, protein bar. Good for bones. Deadpool may try to break yours." - Colossus

  • "Let's dance...and by dance I mean kill each other!" - Deadpool

  • "Oh, hello there! I bet you're wondering, why the red suit? Well, that's so bad guys can't see me bleed!" - Deadpool

  • "Sorry, I use humor to deflect my insecurities. Plus, I'm hilarious, so don't hate." - Deadpool

  • "House blowing up builds character." - Colossus

  • "I didn't ask to be super, and I'm no hero. But when you find out your worst enemy is after your best girl, the time has come to be a fucking superhero." - Deadpool

Deadpool Quotes That We Hate To Love

  • "You can't buy love, but you can rent it for three minutes!" - Deadpool

  • "Okay guys, I only have twelve bullets, so you're all going to have to share!" - Deadpool

  • "Guy came in here looking for you. Real Grim Reaper-type. I don't know. Might further the plot." - Weasel

  • "Listen, Al, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much. I also buried 1,600 kilos of cocaine somewhere in the apartment - right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck." - Deadpool

  • "I want to die a natural death at the age of 102 - like the city of Detroit." - Deadpool

  • "Here's the thing, Life is an endless series of train wrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness. This had been the ultimate commercial break. Which meant it was time to return to our regularly scheduled programming." - Deadpool

  • "When I'm finished parts will have to grow back you." - Ajax

  • "Four or five moments - that's all it takes to become a hero. Everyone thinks it's a full-time job. Wake up a hero. Brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true. Over a lifetime there are only four or five moments that really matter. Moments when you're offered a choice to make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend - spare an enemy. In these moments everything else falls away…" - Colossus

Deadpool Quotes That Are Too Funny To Resist

  • "Wow, this is such a big house, but I only ever see the two of you here. It's like the studio didn't have enough money for any more X-Men…" - Deadpool

  • "Yeah. That is a gun in my pants. But that doesn't mean I'm not happy to see you…" - Deadpool

  • "I am crazy, or is your hand really small?" - Blind Al

  • "Say the magic words, Fat Gandalf." - Deadpool

  • "If I ever decide to become a crime-fighting shit swizzler, who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners at Neverland Mansion with some creepy, old, bald, Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker... on that day, I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request." - Deadpool

  • "You look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah." - Weasel

  • "All the dinosaurs feared the T-Rex." - Deadpool

  • "Please. House blowing up builds character." - Colossus

Funniest Deadpool Quotes

  • "You will die alone, if you could die - ideally, for others sake." - Weasel

  • "Captain Deadpool! No, just Deadpool." - Deadpool

  • "Fourth wall break inside of a fourth wall break? That's like... 16 walls!" - Deadpool

  • "Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex." - Deadpool

  • "After a brief adjustment period, and a couple of drinks, it's a face... I'd be happy to sit on." - Copycat

  • "I'm sorry your face is....haunting." - Weasel

  • "Okay, let's pro/con this superhero thing, pro - They pull down a gaggle of ass, local dry cleaning discounts, lucrative film deals both origin stories and larger ensemble team movies, con - they're lame-ass teacher's pets!" - Deadpool

  • "Time to make the chimi-fucking-changas!" - Deadpool

  • "This last shot has to pull out, but it's the only thing pulling out tonight." - Deadpool

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