25 Phoebe Buffay Quotes That Make Absolutely No Sense

phoebe buffay on friends wearing top hat and glasses
Friends via Warner Bros. Studios

Whatever you say, Phoebe.

The Best Phoebe Buffay Quotes

Phoebe Buffay (Lisa Kudrow) is the heartbeat of Friends. These hilarious quotes remind us that life doesn't have to always be taken so seriously to be enjoyed. Whether she's playing her guitar at Central Perk, or giving bad advice to Monica Geller (Courtney Cox), she's always doing it with a smile. We can all learn something from her dazzling free spirit.

Although she can be ditzy and quirky, Phoebe isn't your stereotypical gal. She's misunderstood—she actually speaks a lot of wisdom and truth. The trick is to just listen from her point of view! We've picked out some of the best quotes from our favorite blonde that make no sense at all. Through ten whole seasons of Friends, it's safe to say Phoebe's left her mark on us.

Funny Phoebe Buffay Quotes

  • "Come on, Ross, you're a paleontologist. Dig a little deeper."

  • "I started naming states, but then I got tired of it. So I started naming types of celery. So far I only got one: regular celery."

  • "This is the nicest kitchen... The refrigerator told me to have a great day."

  • "Sweet lord! This is what evil must taste like."

  • "Come on, Will. Take off your shirt and tell us."

  • "Your collective dating record reads like a who's who of human crap!"

Memorable Quotes By Phoebe Buffay

  • "You love divorce so much you're probably going to marry it... and then it won't work out, so you're gonna have to divorce it."

  • "I just realized something. ‘Joker' is ‘poker' with a ‘j.' Coincidence?"

  • "There's a chance this may have been a dream."

  • "They don't know that we know they know we know."

  • "Didn't you ever run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off, you know, like when you were running toward the swings or running away from Satan?"

  • "If we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches."

We Can't Get Enough Of These Phoebe Buffay Quotes

  • "I have to go before I put your head through a wall."

  • "I am against innocent trees being cut down in their prime and their corpses grotesquely dressed in, like, tinsel and twinkly lights."

  • "Every time I go to the dentist, someone dies."

  • "How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?"

  • "She's your lobster. C'mon, you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples walking around their tank, you know, holding claws."

  • "Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language."

Irresistible Quotes By Phoebe Buffet

  • "Your love is like a giant pigeon, crapping on my heart."

  • "If you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows... please give me money so I can buy a computer."

  • "Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to come rescue me?"

  • "I can't have a mimosa? I'm on vacation!"

  • "You know what you should do? You should buy a state and then name it after yourself."

  • "Are you in there, little fetus? In nine months, will you greet us? I will… buy you some Adidas."

  • "Hi, it's Phoebe. Someone needs to take my 9 o'clock, because it's, like, 9:15 and I'm not there."

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