13 Hilarious Things You'll Only Understand If You Don't Know How To Cook
Living that frozen pizza life, one day at a time.
You may be a young, independent woman of the 21st century— but show you an oven and you'll run for the hills.
But just because you can't cook, doesn't mean you don't love to eat. Luckily, you can get by on candy and pizza just fine.
And thank god for delivery on demand.
You don't know how to cook, you're scared to be in the kitchen, but you aren't even sorry. Here's why:
1. You're Vaguely Convinced The Cooking Methods Are A Form Of Witchcraft
Boiling? Broiling? Grilling? Filleting? Sounds pretty bubble, bubble, toil, and trouble to me.
2. You Pretend To Be Way Better At It Than You Are
Especially on dates. You're just really passionate about organic, clean, cooking. And get such a sense of satisfaction from preparing meals... right?
3. You Can Live Off Of Basics For Weeks
Cereal is totally an appropriate dinner. As is just straight up bread— add hummus if you want to get fancy.
4. But Your Favorite Delivery Spots Know You By Name
They're basically family at this point. You really should get them birthday presents.
5. You May Have *One* Dish That You've Mastered
And you pull it out for every occasion. And that dish is spaghetti.
6. But You've Definitely Had A Dinner Party Go Wrong
Bridget Jones' blue string soup is a culinary delight compared to what you've served up.
7. Your Friends Have Tried To Teach You
But it always ends up the same way. In tears.
8. You've Had Kitchen Accidents That Shouldn't Be Physically Possible
Fun fact: I have lit dry spaghetti on fire. True story.
9. People May Act Like It Makes You Less Womanly
And then you remember that heteronormative roles are bullsht* and tell them where they can stick it.
10. But It's Amazing Having This Many People Cook For You
Boyfriends, girlfriends, parents— nobody wants you near the kitchen. So you just get to reap the rewards. The delicious, delicious rewards.
11. You Sometimes Give Yourself A Stomach Ache
But honestly, considering all you've had for the past week are Pop Tarts and toast, it could be way worse. You're lucky you don't have scurvy.
12. Frozen Pizza Is A Religion
You have very strong opinions on brands and toppings. And nobody is ever going to convince you otherwise.
13. Though It May Be Frustrating Sometimes, You're Never Going To Change
Sure, you may want to throw a dinner party for all your friends where they don't get food poisoning, but there's delivery that. You're living the bread and candy life that your eight year old self could only dream of, so you're not going to give it up anytime soon.
With delivery and delicious snacks as far as the eye can see, don't worry if cooking isn't your thing. Just keep Dominos on speed dial.
Hate cooking but love eating? SHARE your best stories of kitchen woes!