Read These David Spade Quotes When You Need to Escape You Reality

David Spade as Richard Hayden wearing a black suit and black tie in Tommy Boy
via Paramount Pictures

It's like therapy, but cheaper.

I Read These David Spade Quotes When I Need a Good Hearty Belly Laugh

From Tommy Boy to Saturday Night Live David Spade has been making us laugh for a long time.

Whether you need to laugh today or just want to walk down memory lane, these David Spade quotes will do just that. They are funny, silly, and definitely prove why David Spade works in comedy. Enjoy some hilarious David Spade quotes below!

David Spade Quotes

  • "I sometimes feel I have a kinship with Dave Grohl, because both of the guys we were very close to got famous very quickly, and then died, and we stuck around to field questions about them for the rest of our lives. It is an honor, but not an easy one sometimes."

  • "You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun."

  • "To be famous and broke is hard."

  • "Never tickle a girl when she has diarrhea."

  • "I'd tell her to come over at 10 A.M. and she'd roll in at 10:45 with a Starbucks going "The fucking 405 was nuts today!" I would sit there thinking, Well, this isn't new information. No one ever says, "If you want to save time, take the 405. Best-kept secret in L.A. Shhhh."

  • "I've never heard girls get loud during sex; whenever I look down at them they just say 'continue'."

  • "Once he pointed at the McDonald's and commented that there was also one back home. This kind of naïveté is why I started calling him Wisconsin Dundee. Everything was new to him, and it was just part of his charm. That was the beginning of our dynamic. Every day I would casually analyze what he did and make fun of it."

Funny David Spade Quotes

  • "There's always something funny about men chasing women."

  • "You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, of you can screw around and have fun."

  • "I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude, to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her."

  • "I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary."

  • "My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdy with our calculators."

  • "Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people, and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire cities. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open."

  • "The hard part about SNL is there's no real communication when you get there. It's not like people are mean to you, they just act like you're not there."

  • "I can see getting married and having a family, because it is the next thing on the agenda. You can only do this for so long. I'm old, and my friends all have kids. And I'm single, still blow drying my hair!"

The Best David Spade Quotes

  • "Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, "That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible"."

  • "Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic."

  • "You go to these parties and you sort of feel dumb after a while. There's too many famous people there. And you feel sort of dumb. Like, 'What am I doing here?' And all the girls have six-inch heels on. I couldn't be more of a pipsqueak. Even worse than normal. So I just walk around and say hi to the ones I know."

  • "Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, "Oh he's good".

  • "I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude to talk about a woman's age or weight, unless you are breaking up with her."

  • "I have no detectable hairstyle."

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