These Eddie Murphy Quotes Will Seriously Make You 'Delirious'

via Paramount Pictures

Oh, Eddie!

Here Are the Funniest Eddie Murphy Quotes He's Ever Graced Us With

Whether you're excited about his return to television or because you have every line from Coming to America memorized, you'll enjoy all of the following Eddie Murphy quotes.

We found some of the funniest Eddie Murphy quotes from his days at Saturday Night Live to his Delirious stand-up special. His comedy is one of a kind and you'll love revisiting some of his funniest quotes.

Eddie Murphy Quotes

  • "The advice I would give to someone is to not take anyone's advice."

  • "If you're involved in with something that's original, you know, you'll always go back and try to rehash it."

  • "I'm in a position that allows me to do what I want to do, and I do it."

  • "I only want to do what I really want to do; otherwise, I'm content to sit here and play my guitar all day."

  • "If I don't die in a plane crash or something, this country has a rare opportunity to watch a great talent grow."

  • "Anything you have to acquire taste for was not meant to be eaten."

  • "When I go back to the stage, I want to be able to do everything. I want to be able to do music and comedy and all that stuff and have a show like nobody ever had before."

  • "I've always had confidence. It came because I have lots of initiative. I wanted to make something of myself."

  • "I can't figure out which Spice Girl I wanna impregnate."

Eddie Murphy 'Delirious' Quotes

  • "There's something about the icecream truck that makes kids lose it. And they can hear that shit from ten blocks away. They don't hear their mothers calling but they hear that motherfucking icecream truck."

  • "Mick Jagger's lips is so big black people be going, "you got some big-ass lips"!"

  • "A brother's dick is too big, so it'll fuck up his balance... Every time you see a brother in a wheelchair, he ain't always crippled."

  • "Bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?". And the rabbit says, "No". So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit."

  • "Got to be careful. They say having casual sex nowadays is like playing Russian roulette. And I know I've thrown my dick on the crap table many a night."

  • "I'd like to learn how to speak French, because that's some cool shit, French. You can say "I gotta shit' in French and it would sound good."

  • "Why don't white people just leave the house when there's a ghost in the house? Y'all stay in the house too fuckin' long. Get the fuck out of the house! Very simple: If there's a ghost in the house, get the fuck out!"

Eddie Murphy Funny Quotes

  • "I don't know what my death row meal would be. I'm surprised that people can even eat when they're on death row."

  • "Getting divorced didn't sour me on the institution of marriage. I'll tell you what I'll never do: I'll never get divorced again."

  • "The other day I got out the shower and I bend down to reach for a towel, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Shot through my chest and up around my shoulder and down my spine. I thought ‘Oh, Lord.' I thought I was dying. I bent over and looked, and I was standing on my own titty."

  • "I leave my house all the time! But I'm not at all the Hollywood parties. I'm grown, and where else am I supposed to be? I'm supposed to be home."

  • "I been seeing newspapers every Sunday morning, white dudes be in there in their drawers, never having any bulge in the drawers. Smiling at you. If I ain't have no bulge, I wouldn't be smiling!"

  • "The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people."

  • "My wife ain't gonna make love to me if I got no money!"

  • "I want a woman who can arouse my intellect as well as my loins."

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