34 Veep Quotes That Are So Unbelievably Hilarious

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, veep
Veep via Warner Bros. Television Distribution

Celebrate the last season with a walk down memory lane.

These Veep Quotes Are Sure to Make You Laugh Out Loud

It's with a heavy heart we say goodbye to one of the most hilarious shows on television.

HBO's Veep ends after seven seasons the award-winning show is coming to an end. Julia-Louis Dreyfus leads an exception cast of talented actors, all of whom play hilariously horrible characters. If you haven't seen the political comedy borrow your old roommates ex-girlfriends HBO login or buy the entire series on iTunes, it's that good!

For those of us who love the series, we put together some of the funniest quotes from our beloved show. Mind you, most are incredibly inappropriate so if you don't know the characters or have a good sense of humor you might be offended. But we assure you, these Veep quotes are a little slice of the brilliance that is Selina Meyer.

Selina Meyer Veep Quotes

  • "Don't give me that Quaker-in-a-titty-bar-look." - Selina

  • "Okay, yeah. That's a cherry on top of this whole turd cake." - Selina

  • "What in the wide world of f--k do you think you're wearing." - Selina

  • "If men got pregnant you could get an abortion at an ATM." - Selina

  • "I'm the Vice President of the United States, you stupid little f--ckers!". - Selina

  • "Please God, deliver Jonah to Congress and then give him any kind of cancer, I don't care." - Selina

  • "Didn't those Founding Fuckers ever hear of an odd number?!" - Selina

The Best Veep Quotes

  • "Why don't you put on your running shoes and get to the f--king point, Jonah?" - Selina

  • "Mike, talk to me. I'm in a room with three people and a f--kload of quiche." - Amy

  • "It's my personality that has gotten us this far." - Jonah

  • "No, I am the one who got us this far, you sentient enema." - Jeff

  • "Nice wheels, Mike. This new?" - Dan

  • "Not quite. Like your mother, it's been previously loved and paid for by a couple of guys." - Mike

  • "You are going to change America in a way that usually only war and fluoride can." - Kent

  • "A suck-up isn't going to fix a f--ck-up." - Selina

  • "If there is any dirty trick I cannot stand, it is honesty." - Amy

  • "You have two settings: no decision and bad decision." - Amy

  • "The President is tweeting?" - Gary

  • "Some paper is calling you the Euro-phobic Khaleesi from DC." - Amy

  • "Euro-phobic? What is that supposed to mean, I'm scared of subtitles?" - Selina

Funny Veep Quotes

  • "I like my bourbon like I like my women: 18 years old and wet." - Jonah

  • "I need that stuff junkies use. You know, when it takes a cop 15 bullets to put him down." - Selina

  • "That's like trying to use a croissant as a f--king dildo. It doesn't do the job and it makes a f--king mess!" - Selina

  • "I'm like herpes! I'm a MRSA infection! You don't get rid of Jonah Ryan!" - Jonah

  • "I'd rather set fire to my vulva so, that's a no." - Selina

  • "Time to robust a nut all over this place." - Dan

  • "Siri, why does God allow suffering?" - Mike

  • "I want their heads on my wall, actual heads." - Amy

  • "This is gonna be quite the day..." - Gary

  • "Jonah. Hey, listen, settled something for me. You like to have sex and you like to travel?" - Selina

  • "Yes, ma'am." - Jonah

  • "Then you can f--k off!" - Selina

  • "Can I really blame another country for something they didn't do?" - Selina

  • "It's been the cornerstone of American foreign policy since the Spanish-American War." - Ben

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