6 Red Flags We Can't Help But Notice In Barack & Michelle Obama's Relationship

As much as we love Barack Obama and Michelle Obama, sadly, even their relationship isn't safe from red flags. Just one of them? When the former first lady stepped back from appearing alongside her husband's side in January 2025. 

The "Becoming" author was first absent from the late former president Jimmy Carter's funeral, despite the likes of Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, and Donald Trump attending with their partners. Michelle's advisors told CNN she'd been vacationing in Hawaii and chose to stay because of a "scheduling conflict." That alone wasn't too strange, but speculation about their marriage ramped up after it was announced later that month Michelle would also skip Donald Trump's second inauguration — despite Barack being scheduled to attend. People claimed the author refused to go because of her well-known disdain for the Republican, stating, "There's no overstating her feelings about [Trump]. She's not one to plaster on a pleasant face and pretend for protocol's sake." Another insider told Page Six, "She's never been fake and she's never been phony. She's always been very deliberate about where and how she shows up." 

Of course, Michelle is a busy woman with a thriving career in her own right, so can't be expected to attend every event. However, she's spent years career accompanying Barack to even the most awkward of high-profile functions, so her absences got the rumor mill churning. One report even speculated Michelle wasn't happy with her husband. "I'm told she was furious at seeing her husband yukking it up with Trump at the Carter funeral," a source told Page Six. But that's hardly the only time we've seen a potential red flag from the Obamas.

Michelle Obama and Barack Obama have different love languages and opposite resolution techniques when they fight. Speaking with Oprah Winfrey on "The Light Podcast" in 2024, she explained she grew up very close with her family who showed their love by spending time together, not by vocalizing it. "Love for me was showing up. It was it was like, yeah, yeah, stop kissing me. Just do the laundry," she said. Michelle also explained of when she and Barack have a disagreement, "[Barack and I] also are temperamentally different. Guess what I am? Kind of hot headed." She added Barack usually wants to have a rational conversation and fix the issue, which isn't how she'd naturally handle conflict. "I'm like, rational? Rational? Don't come to me with sense. I'm angry. Don't come to me with your three bullet points. You better get out of here and let me cool down," she quipped.

Though it sounds like the Obamas are aware of their differences, to keep their relationship healthy, it's important they continue prioritize each other's needs and keep learning about the different ways they handle situations. "If someone is willing to throw their arms up and say, 'That's just how it is,' they aren't interested in learning and growing and for a lot of people, that's going to be a problem at some point," Rachel Wright MA, LMFT, told Quanna.

It's hard to ignore the multiple Barack Obama and Michelle Obama red flag divorce rumors that have swirled over the years. In January 2025, a source told Radar Online their relationship supposedly wasn't in a good place. "Their once solid marriage has come under strain and for the first time, they're struggling to keep a lid on their problems," they claimed. "The reality is they are more like friends at the moment, the spark has gone and they're simply going through the motions." The split chatter then spread to social media. "I think it's a safe bet," one X, formerly known as Twitter, user wrote of a potential divorce. "Barack Obama and Michelle Obama are getting a divorce. You heard it here first," another account claimed, but didn't offer any concrete evidence to support the claim.

The split speculation came just over a decade after Japanese politician Kazuyuki Hamada highlighted the Obamas' apparent issues in a controversial blog post. "The biggest reason — of many — for the collapse of his reputation is his failed relationship with his wife," Hamada wrote (via Daily Mail). "It is an open secret that the pair are already negotiating their divorce, and that they are waiting for his term in office to be over, and then they'll separate," he added.

Barack Obama and Michelle Obama haven't always put on the most united front with their body language. Rumors about the couple's romance intensified in December 2024 when they seemed distance leaving a restaurant. Body language expert Judi James discussed their movements with Daily  Mail, pointing out Barack was a few steps behind Michelle. "[There were] no sign of any chatting or coupling up between them," she said. "[Barack] looks rather somber here but otherwise relaxed," James added. She stated the long-time couple didn't even seem to spark up a conversation when they got in the car and while Michelle smiled for the cameras, her pearly whites weren't on show as they drove away from the paparazzi. "Michelle looks relaxed and happy walking to the car but there are no active signals of togetherness for the cameras, with Barack himself wearing a more serious or dour expression," James said.

Of course, a couple doesn't have to constantly display PDA to prove their relationship isn't on the rocks. But the Obamas have been affectionate over the years and have never been afraid of holding hands in public, so their sudden distance was eyebrow-raising.

There will be times in relationships where one person loves their partner but doesn't necessarily like them. It's a red flag though for someone to not like their spouse for a whole decade. "There were 10 years where I couldn't stand my husband," Michelle Obama told Revolt in 2022. "For 10 years while we're trying to build our careers and, you know, worrying about school and who's doing what and what, I was like, 'Ugh!'" she added.

Things were once so bad Michelle supposedly considered divorce. In the 2012 biography "The Amateur: Barack Obama in the White House," Edward Klein claimed they had a major low point in 2000. "Their marriage was on the rocks, and [Barack] confided to friends that he and Michelle were talking about divorce. Michelle actually had divorce papers drawn up," Klein wrote.

But the two pulled through, with Michelle telling "Good Morning America" in 2018 how therapy improved their lives. "Marriage counseling, for us, was one of those ways where we learned to talk out our differences," she said, as couple's therapy is anything but shameful. That same year, she told People, "If you're in a marriage and there are times you want to leave, that's normal — because I felt that way." Equally, Michelle alluded to having stood by her man even when she didn't want to on the "Jay Shetty Podcast" in 2024. "You want to quit. And it's like, 'Oh, no ... That's not quit worthy. That's just the nature of things," she explained. Though we're happy they patched things up, no one should feel forced to stay in a relationship if they don't feel respected, heard, or happy.

There's nothing wrong with one partner giving up their career to support their family, but it's imperative both partners agree and discuss their expectations first. Someone feeling pressured to leave work is a red flag that can lead to unfulfillment and resentment. 

In her 2019 book, "Becoming," Michelle Obama explained Barack Obama didn't think she'd have to give up her dreams and career goals when they married — but she knew different. "For me, marriage was more like a full-on merger, a reconfiguring of two lives into one, with the well-being of a family taking precedence over any one agenda or goal," she wrote. Michelle opened up about how she further put her dreams aside when they welcomed their two daughters, Sasha Obama and Malia Obama (who have totally transformed since leaving the White House). "Something had to give and it was my aspirations and dreams. I made that concession, not because he said, 'You have to quit your job.' It felt like, 'I can't do all of this. So I have to tone down my aspirations. I have to dial it back,'" she said in the documentary "Becoming" (via People). 

The red flag here came from Barack not giving his wife the support she needed following her huge sacrifice. In his 2020 book, "A Promised Land," he recalled how Michelle grew unhappy being home all day while he worked in politics. "This isn't what I signed up for, Barack. I feel like I'm doing it all by myself," she told him, which he said left him "hurt."