The Undeniable Red Flags In Ellen DeGeneres & Portia De Rossi's Relationship

Ellen DeGeneres and wife Portia De Rossi aren't afraid to gush over one another in public. "I remember thinking that she was the coolest, most fascinating, beautiful, funniest person I'd ever met," de Rossi told People in 2021 of the first time she met her now wife. "I just got to a point where I chose love over anything else. This was a once-in-a-lifetime feeling," she added. And the comedian has been just as sweet about the "Ally McBeal" star. "Portia and I constantly say to each other, 'We are so lucky.' Sometimes it's lying in bed at night before I go to sleep, and I just say thank you to whatever, whoever is out there," DeGeneres told People in 2016.

But while their sweet declarations of love are anything but a red flag, their relationship certainly isn't without them. From leaving their previous partners to be together to de Rossi being warned of DeGeneres by her ex, there are a few undeniably eyebrow-raising factors in this romance we can't ignore.

The start of Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres' relationship is a little messy, as both were in long-term relationships when they fell in love. De Rossi was with Francesca Gregorini, while DeGeneres was dating Alexandra Henderson. They didn't get together until three years after meeting in 2001, but both had to break the news to their partners. "It wasn't like, 'Oh, we're going to have an affair.' We were just supposed to be together. It was a tough decision ... So I told Alex and she told Francesca. It was really hard to uproot everything," the former talk show host told People in 2005.

De Rossi later admitted it was love at first sight with DeGeneres. "I saw somebody and [experienced] all of those things you hear about in songs and read about in poetry. My knees were weak ... it was very hard for me to get her out of my mind after that," she told Advocate in 2005. "I really, really hated all the pain I put Francesca through, and I really didn't want to hurt her. But I just couldn't ignore the feelings I had for Ellen," she added.

Though DeGeneres and de Rossi can't help the timing of their meeting, how they got together suggests neither respected the boundaries of their previous relationships. While discussing Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds' relationship red flags, celebrity relationship expert Nicole Moore explained if cheating was involved, it's a problem. "Typically, people cheat due to unresolved emotional issues within themselves or due to inability to communicate and operate with integrity in a relationship. They can often carry those issues into the next relationship," she said.

Ellen DeGeneres' notorious scandal reportedly took a toll on her and Portia de Rossi's relationship. In 2020, Buzzfeed claimed the company culture at "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" was toxic and comedian Kevin T. Porter started a viral thread on X, formerly known as Twitter, which claimed, "She's also notoriously one of the meanest people alive." The talk show came to an end in 2022, after which DeGeneres faded from the spotlight.

DeGeneres spoke to People in 2021 about how much she relied on her wife during the tough time. "It broke my heart; I couldn't have gone through everything I went through without her. It was a horrible time in my life, and she was a rock. She kept me going and tried to help me put things in perspective," she shared. A source also dished on the situation to Daily Mail in 2024. "Ellen and Portia have had their share of ups and downs and had to fight to make it work for so long. Things have been very rocky ever since the show cancellation because, understandably, this shook Ellen," they said. The insider added, "She used to be the breadwinner, head of the household — and now she struggles to book work."

De Rossi standing by DeGeneres in her time of need isn't a red flag, but if the situation caused the "Arrested Development" star to feel their relationship had become unbalanced, that could be. If one person feels they're giving their all and getting little back due to a situation caused by their partner, it can cause resentment and distance. Equally, DeGeneres' sudden lack of work could have changed their dynamic, which can be tough for people married so long to adapt to.

Though almost every celebrity couple faces marriage trouble rumors at some point, the speculation has seemed constant for Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi. Back in 2016, an In Touch source claimed divorce was on the horizon, sharing, "Ellen is desperately unhappy and doesn't have a nice word to say about anybody these days." The following year, Life & Style also alluded to trouble in paradise. "They've been trying really hard to keep their marriage together, but it seems like time is running out. They're just always at each other's throats," a source claimed. "[De Rossi] feels like Ellen puts a Band-Aid on their problems," they added.

But those aren't the only instances insiders have hinted at problems. After the couple started their own skincare line in 2024, a source told In Touch, "Ellen starting a skincare business with Portia reeks of desperation and suggests that it's hell at home if they need this new project to work on." Though it's possible to have smoke without fire in the celebrity gossip world, it can be a red flag if a couple is consistently in the headlines for less-than-positive reasons.

Though we should always take what someone says about their ex with a pinch of salt, it's rarely a good thing to be described as a "red flag." But that's what DeGeneres' late ex Anne Heche said while speaking to Portia de Rossi. On "Better Together w/ Anne and Heather" in 2021, Heche recalled, "Portia came to my wedding because I was on 'Ally McBeal' with her and Portia even said, 'I'm gonna go after Ellen.'" The actor recalled telling de Rossi, "You won't be the poster child, girl, because guess what, that poster child has already been taken and, by the way, it wasn't a great spot. But yours ain't gonna be any easier. And I'm telling you now, like, red flag, red flag, red flag!"

Heche didn't elaborate on what she considered to be her ex's apparent multiple red flags to be, though she and the "Finding Nemo" voice actor dated for three years between 1997 and 2000. DeGeneres spoke about their split to Los Angeles Times in 2001, claiming she had no idea why Heche ended their relationship. "She walked out the door and I haven't spoken to her since, I don't have the answers ... I'm left with everybody else wondering what happened. I don't know," the "Ellen" star said, adding she felt "betrayed" because Heche had moved on with her friend, Coleman Laffoon.

It's hard to ignore Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi's age difference. DeGeneres is 15 years older than her wife, putting them firmly on the list of celebrity couples with large age gaps. But while several years between a couple isn't automatically a problem, it can cause them. As Road To Wellness' Janet Bayramyan, LCSW told us while highlighting the red flags in Sydney Sweeney and Jonathan Davino's relationship, "While age differences can be healthy and functional, they may sometimes lead to power imbalances."

The decade and a half between the couple may also have played a small part in them not becoming parents. In 2005, DeGeneres spoke to People about potentially becoming a mom, suggesting her age was a factor in their decision making. "That's the only time I think about age; I think we should do it soon. Poor kid, 'Mama's going to break her hip again if you don't move those toys!' When I'm around babies, I just melt. [But] it's a big responsibility," she shared. At the time, DeGeneres was 47 and De Rossi was 32. De Rossi later spoke to Los Angeles Times about potentially welcoming children, sharing, "Believe me, I think motherhood would be amazing and exciting and wonderful, but it isn't really something that's on the immediate horizon for us." It's not a red flag if an age gap couple decides mutually not to have children, but if one person feels the decision was made for them, it could be an issue.