Red Flags In Taylor Swift And Selena Gomez's Friendship We Can't Ignore

Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez have one of the sweetest celebrity friendships on the surface. The two are regularly spotted out together and have no problem supporting each another on social media, including swapping adorable birthday posts. "I'm glad you were born. You write all the thoughts some aren't able to articulate. (ME!) Thank you for giving a voice to this world that is authentic and inspiring. I wish some knew how big your heart actually is.. it's fierce, bold and freaking wild with light. I'm glad you protect that," Gomez sweetly wrote of her bestie on Instagram in 2017. "Love you @taylorswift," she signed off. Four years earlier, Swift adorably wrote in a since-deleted tweet for Gomez (via People), "Happy 21st birthday to my friend, and the closest thing I've ever had to a sister, @selenagomez!!" But despite all the loving messages, dig a little deeper and you'll notice red flags.

Like many besties, Swift and Gomez's relationship has weathered its fair share of ups and downs. From jealousy issues to a lack of maturity with a bestie's ex, a few aspects of this long-term friendship have raised eyebrows.

Selena Gomez has shown signs of jealousy when Taylor Swift spends time with her other pals. A source told Life & Style in 2024 she was particularly unhappy about Swift and Blake Lively's close bond. "Truth is, Selena's insanely jealous of Taylor's friendship with Blake," they said.

But that's not the only time the jealousy bug has seemingly reared it's head. In early 2024, Gomez suggested she was upset seeing her friend spend time with others. After a Swiftie shared an Instagram photo of her at the Super Bowl with the likes of Lively, Lana Del Rey, and Ice Spice, Gomez commented with a crying face emoji. And people noticed. "She's sad because she's not there," one Instagram user commented. "I feel you girl lol but they genuinely are her friends too."

It's natural to feel jealous when a friend gets on well with someone else, but it can be a red flag if it become all consuming. As psychologist and author Dr. Lalitaa Suglan told Dazed, the feeling is often linked to low self-esteem (something Gomez has openly struggled with). "[Jealousy can stem from] inadequacy, insecurity, or fear of losing the friend's attention or affection," Suglan said. But it's imperative the "Same Old Love" singer puts her feelings aside to be happy for her popular pal. To ensure jealousy doesn't become a deal breaker, counsellor Georgina Sturmer suggested having a heart-to-heart. "Sharing the things that you feel jealous of is also you sharing the things you admire in your friend; put gently and kindly this may be experienced as flattery and positive feedback which will only make you closer," she said.

It's been rumored for years that Selena Gomez doesn't have the best relationship with Taylor Swift's other close friends, notably Blake Lively (who has a few friendship red flags with Swift herself). When asked which celebrity she'd like to swap hair with during a 2016 Elle interview, Gomez responded, "I wish she was my friend, but she's not my friend. Blake Lively. I've never met her, but I just love her hair. I think she's got beautiful, effortless hair. I think she's super beachy." While Gomez was complimenting Lively, one can't help but wonder why the former "Wizards of Waverly Place" actor made such a point to highlight how they weren't friends. The comment is unusual given that Lively has been close with Swift since at least 2015, while Gomez and Swift started their friendship around 2008.

A source later dished on their supposed friction between the two to Daily Mail, suggesting the former "Gossip Girl" icon and the "Emilia Perez" star are very different people. "When Taylor wants to hang loose, Blake will be in the mix. Selena just plays a different role in Taylor's life," they claimed. Though never confirmed by the trio, the insider also alluded to long-standing friction between Gomez and Lively, noting, "This is the reason neither of them are ever with Taylor at the same time and are constantly avoiding run-ins with each other."

Warring besties can be a difficult situation to navigate. If they can't put any potential drama behind them, it could become a serious problem for Swift. To continue being good friends to the "Style" hitmaker, they need to learn to coexist in her friend group. Besties are supposed to enrich our lives — not make it harder.

Selena Gomez suggested her closest friends weren't famous in 2024 interview with Time. The star told the outlet her besties included a casting director, producer, and real estate agent — not a global pop star. "It's a cliché, but girls are mean. It's a very weird competition, being in the cool girls area — and then I'm just kind of like, there. I don't know where I'm meant to belong," she said. The star also suggested she felt closest to those who don't care about fame. "I love having level-headed people around that couldn't give two f**ks about what I do," she said. The odd thing here was, two years earlier, Gomez was quick to name check Swift while speaking about how she doesn't have a lot of famous friends. "I never fit in with a cool group of girls that were celebrities. My only friend in the industry really is Taylor [Swift], so I remember feeling like I didn't belong," she told Rolling Stone.

That's been a running theme for the star, as a source told Daily Mail that Gomez, who's been open about how therapy has improved her life, doesn't like the idea of being part of Swift's girl squad of famous faces. "She has no desire to be out with Blake [Lively], or Ice Spice, or Brittany [Mahomes] or really any of those girls," they said.

The red flag? Gomez's desire to keep non-celebrities around her suggests she and Swift have different interests and priorities. Of course, it's possible for two opposite personalities to maintain a close friendship, but if Gomez struggles to feel comfortable around Swift amid her desire to be in the spotlight, it could limit the time they spend together.

It's not unusual to not get along with (or approve of) your friend's boyfriend, but it's imperative to handle any issues maturely. Swift, who also has a few red flags in her relationship with Travis Kelce, didn't do that during Selena Gomez's notorious romance with Justin Bieber, though. Swift and Gomez were seen walking backstage at the 2013 Billboard Music Awards when Gomez spotted her former boyfriend (who she later reconciled with). Though the "Come And Get It" singer kept things cordial and chatted with her ex, Swift kept her distance and even stuck out her tongue in disgust over seeing the two together.

A few months later, a source told Us Weekly Swift supposedly always hoped Gomez would be "Single Soon" while dating Bieber. "Taylor hates him. She thinks Selena makes a mistake every time she reconciles with him. Bieber has really come between the girls," they claimed.

Though Swift's reaction may be understandable, it can be a red flag when a friend refuses to take the high road with your partner (or ex). "If you're struggling to accept your friend's partner, I would take the vulnerable approach and use this as something to bring you closer to your friend," Liz Higgins, LMFT-S, founder of Millennial Counseling told The Knot. "Healthy relationships, including friendships, aren't about believing the same things, agreeing, and avoiding conflict. I would take a mature and honest approach and find a respectful way to explore and share what feels off putting for you about your friend's partner."