The Strange Things We Can't Ignore About Erin & Ben Napier's Marriage

Erin and Ben Napier are two of HGTV's most beloved personalities. The "Home Town" stars have proven a major hit on the renovation network, and their refreshing honesty about juggling marriage, parenthood, and work has stuck a chord with fans. But even they've admitted there are a few odd things about their union. "We have a weird relationship — at least, that's what people tell us," Ben told Qolture in 2018.

Just one of the strange things we noticed? They have almost their whole day planned, starting at 4:30 a.m. "I have every minute planned and scheduled until 8:30 or 9 [p.m], whenever we get Helen in bed," Ben admitted to People in 2021, referring to their eldest daughter. "We're just trying to find our rhythm. We had a rhythm as a family of three, and now we're a family of four," Erin added, explaining why there's no flexibility in their schedules. And a rigid agenda from the crack of dawn isn't the only strange thing we've noticed.

Having a crush on your partner before (and hopefully during) dating them? Sweet. Dating someone only because they look like the guy you have a crush on? A bit weird. In a 2023 Instagram post, Erin admitted she was casually dating someone when she first met Ben, and her ex was her now-husband's doppelganger. "On the day we met, I was sort of dating a guy I worked with at the hospital pharmacy — let's call him Charlie," she shared. "And I was dating him because he looked a little bit like Ben Napier, this guy I had a crush on," she added. Even while spending time with Charlie, she was still exchanging texts with Ben.

We wouldn't recommend entertaining a relationship with a person because they look like someone else. Dating someone based solely on looks is not only shallow, it's disrespectful. Anyone you're with should be your first choice, not just the closest thing to the person you really want to be with.

Within the first week of dating, most couples are figuring out if they like each other enough to schedule a second date. But the couple were ready to head down the aisle. Recalling the whirlwind week they met in 2004 on Instagram, Erin shared, "December 8, we took the photos for the yearbook. December 9, we went on our first date and he met my mama. December 10, we looked at the Christmas lights in Mason Park. December 13, we decided we would get married someday." Ben elaborated on the rapidness of their romance in his 2018 Qolture interview, sharing, "Six days [after meeting], I knew I was in love with her and would marry her one day — so I told her. Luckily, she felt the same way."

The two met in college when Ben was 21 and Erin was 19, and she opened up about the very early days of their relationship in a 2023 Instagram post. Erin recalled feeling the urge to kiss Ben as they worked on a yearbook together, but even she found her sudden passion strange. "I denied it obviously, because you can't fall in love and kiss someone 12 hours after meeting them, can you?" she asked. Ben formerly proposed to Erin three years later.

Though getting serious fast worked for these two, it's not conventional and goes against the advice of professionals. Hannah Reeves, an LMFT relationship therapist at Private Sugar Club, told us while discussing Aaron and Sam Taylor-Johnson's red flags, "I often remind clients (especially those in the early stages of dating) that sweeping declarations can feel incredibly romantic, like something straight out of a rom-com. But they can also be a bit of a red flag."

Every family dynamic is different and each set of parents has their own routine for bringing up their kids. But Erin and Ben have admitted their abnormal arrangement of being together constantly, even while working, has negatively affected their daughters. "This is something that is not the norm, I'd say for most couples," Ben told TV Insider in 2024. "It may come off as weird. I'm sure some psychiatrists out there would have a field day with this, but our girls don't act the normal way they act when it's just one of us. They act out," he shared, admitting they're not used to only one parent being home. After all, even couples who work from home find ways to split the parenting load.

Erin further explained on "Dadville Podcast" that their daughters change their behavior even when one parent is away for just a couple of hours. "The girls really misbehave and are different. As long as Daddy is there, they stay balanced and really sweet," she shared, adding the girls don't like being with only one parent. "It's just a weird challenge that most families, I think, probably don't have. You can make it with just mom or just dad at home for a day or two, but [for us,] everything falls apart," she said.

Though most parents (particularly celebrity moms and dads) prefer to take work trips without their kids, that's not the case for Erin and Ben. The two told People in their 2021 feature that they refuse to leave their two children at home, despite their eldest daughter Helen being in school. "If we are going to go on the road for '[Home Town] Takeover,' or if we're going to do media stuff in New York, then we're going to have to bring our family along with us... we don't fold on our family time," Ben explained.

In a 2024 People interview, the couple revealed they usually travel with one of their moms to ensure a grandparent is with their daughters while they're working. "It's tricky once your kids are in school, but they're our first priority. I mean, we love doing this and it's a privilege, but we don't ever want our girls to say, 'Mom and dad were just gone when we were growing up,'" Erin explained why they made the unconventional rule, revealing they do schoolwork with their kids when they're away from the classroom.

It's not unusual for couples to want to spend a lot of time together. In fact, it can be healthy. But the Napiers are barely apart and have admitted their personality traits are influenced by their relationship. "We're together 24 hours a day because we feel like the strongest team that way," Erin told Qolture, despite constant time together being a red flag in other celebrity couples, like Lauren Sanchez and Jeff Bezos. Ben added, "We are in perfect conversation with each other — we communicate about every little detail of our lives."

They also touched on their extremely close bond to Entertainment Tonight. "We're never apart," Erin lamented. "This is the only way we know how to be grownups," she added. Ben elaborated, "We totally get that not everybody functions that way, but we do, and it's the only way we can," adding, "We've formed our adult identities around each other."

It's strange for couples to be so focused on their relationship, they don't have individual personalities. It's important for both people to hold onto their identities. If not, couples can become co-dependent, which isn't always healthy. That's why experts recommend setting boundaries and enjoying individual hobbies. "Keeping up with what makes you feel balanced can help decrease the need to find a sense of well-being solely in your relationship," licensed marriage and family therapist Samara Quintero, LMFT, CHT told Psych Central.