What Is Temperature Play? The Potential Upgrade To Your Sex Life, Explained

Asking your partner, or partners, if they want to try something new in the bedroom is rarely a bad idea, and there are plenty of ways to introduce a new kink curiosity to your partner without being awkward. This is good news, because temperature play is the tantalizing sex life upgrade everyone's been talking about. But what exactly is this spicy act? We went to Heather Shannon, certified sex therapist and host of the podcast, "Ask A Sex Therapist," to understand the full scope of it all. It turns out it's an easy way to enhance your intimate life, and is widely accessible. 

Temperature play is exactly what it sounds like (but it has nothing to do with warm sex). It involves bringing items that are hot or cold into intimate situations by placing them on the skin, tongue, and other body parts for added stimulation. "Temperature play is a great way to get out of your head and more in touch with your senses," Shannon explains of why so many people are giving it a try. "Any time we are in touch with senses, we are in the present moment — and that will enhance your sexual experience." 

The key to getting temperature play right is starting slow. "Start with cool and warm and gradually ramp up to hot and cold based on your skin sensitivity and tolerance," Heather Shannon recommends. "A simple way to start is to use warm massage oil. You can also bring in smell by choosing a scented massage oil for an even more sensual experience," she adds.

Shannon also suggests using a face roller straight from the fridge to apply a comfortable amount of pressure and temperature change to your partner's body. You could even try this while they're blindfolded to heighten their experience even more. "When you're ready to up the ante, you can experiment by playing with ice cubes or hot wax," she adds. By building up the intensity of temperatures instead of starting super hot or super cold, you'll find the boundaries of what you and your partner like more easily and could find the build-up extra tantalizing.

Shannon's other tip for temperature play beginners? Be open to everyone's boundaries. "Let go of how it 'should' go and enjoy it for what it is!" she suggests, as sex is always better when you're in the moment and letting things go with the flow. However, that said, if the person you want to try temperature play with doesn't want to, you need to respect that.

Anyone can try temperature play, but we'd recommend it to those who want to make sex more interesting, as it can be a great follow-up when you tell your partner you want to try spicier sex. It's also ideal for those who want to learn more about what their partner enjoys in a fun and flirty way. "Variety is the spice of your sex life! Just bringing something new into your sex life is a way to keep things fresh and get to know more of your likes and dislikes as well as your partner's," Heather Shannon shares.

If you're unsure, remember you've got nothing to lose. Temperature play may not be for you or your partner(s), and that's fine, but even just trying it out can have benefits. "Consider it a win just that you stepped outside your routine and tried something new," Shannon says. "You also may love it as a sensory experience but not find it particularly sexual," she adds. The communication aspect could also be a great bonding experience and may teach you more about what you like, which is never a bad thing.

Temperature play is no different from any other sex act, meaning you must practice it safely. That means doing your due diligence before getting started. "Find out how cold you can safely go, how hot you can safely go, and for how long," Heather Shannon says. It's important to have an open conversation with the people you're getting intimate with to get their full consent and discuss tolerance levels. "It's always better to say what you do want rather than what you don't want when it comes to consent, so don't be afraid to be specific!" Shannon adds, noting having regular check-ins while trying different products is imperative to keeping things hot (literally) and safe. "Don't be afraid to speak up if something is uncomfortable," she notes. And remember to ask if your partner has any skin conditions, such as eczema or psoriasis, which could make certain areas a no-go.

Doing your research and finding out which products are safe is equally as important. If you're using ice cubes, use clean water only. If you're feeling adventurous and want to try the likes of warm syrups or cool whipped cream, be very careful about where on the body it ends up. To avoid irritation or infection in intimate areas, make sure to use only body-safe products designated for temperature play.